His wife frowned. For a moment, her confusion seemed to overshadow her anger.
“So, you’re claiming that you contrived that humiliating scene in order to… marry me? Not ruin me?” Her face reflected how much she struggled with believing the idea.
“I didn’t know it myself at the time, but yes,” Talbot said with a nod. “I wanted to marry you all along. I just needed to give myself an excuse to do so, and I chose the wrong way to do it.”
“Why would you need an excuse?” She asked sincerely, and then it dawned on her. “Because I’m such an abomination? A stain on the Talbot name?”
The bitterness in her voice was painful for him to hear, but he was also surprised by her forcefulness. He’d never seen this side of her before.
My kitten has claws,he thought affectionately, despite how horrifyingly inappropriate it was to feel such a surge of attraction during the argument they were having.
“That’s not what I-,” he started explaining, but she interrupted.
“That’s exactly what you said!” Her anger was back. “And I’m glad to see all these months of marriage haven’t changed your opinion of me one bit!”
“I never said you were an abomination! And the issue here is notmy opinion; these are the facts of your parentage and upbringing. I regret the way I behaved, but it wasn’t I who invented these things,” he said defensively.
“They aren’tfacts!” Lizzie screamed angrily through her tears as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m the daughter of a duke! My mother is a gentleman’s daughter! According to the beliefs that you espouse, I ought to be good enough. So what if they weren’t married to each other? Your preciousTondoesn’t seem to place great importance on fidelity in a marriage, so why does it matter only in the case of my birth? Either fidelity in marriage is important, or it isn’t. Either governesses are good enough to raise the children of peers, or they aren’t. You people need to decide. Why am I, theonlyinnocent in this whole story, being ostracised and vilified? I’m a good, chaste person who had done nothing wrong up until the moment whenyoucaused all of London society to think me a title-hunting harlot!”
Colin hadn’t realised he’d stood up at some point during her soliloquy. He had trouble understanding how he’d managed to mishandle the situation this badly. He’d intended to explain, apologise, smooth things over, and instead he’d offended her again and made her cry.
He started rubbing his chest to ease the tightness he felt in it.
“Get out, Colin, get out of my sight. I cannot bear to look at you,” she said, her voice hoarse from the screaming.
He never wanted to hear her utter his name in the throes of anger again. He hung his head in resignation. Perhaps itwasbetter to take a break now.
“All right, we can talk more later,” he said in a conciliatory tone and headed for the door.
“I despise you! I wish I had never married you. You dishonourable, awful man! I shall never believe another word out of your mouth ever again!” She screamed all of it, sentence by sentence, a reproach for every step he took towards the door.
Colin couldn’t see where he was going because his vision was blurry. His hands were shaking, and something was buzzing in his ears. He closed the door and leaned his back against it to gather his wits. He heard a thud.
She must have thrown something at the door,he thought dispassionately, incapable of feeling anything. He slowly walked to his dressing room and sat there in silence.
Stevenson came in perhaps half an hour later to assist him in getting ready for bed. Colin’s anguish must have been apparent enough for the normally taciturn valet to break decorum.
“Is everything all right, Your Grace?” Stevenson asked after he’d returned the boots that the underfootman had cleaned in their place.
“I’m having a disagreement with my wife,” Colin replied in an even, emotionless voice, long past thinking about whether that was appropriate for his valet to know.
They must have all heard her screaming anyway, he realised. The whole household had always known when his parents hadbeen fighting.What’s the point in pretending?He thought bleakly.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Stevenson said diplomatically.
Here I am, he thought as he sat in front of the dressing room fire later,no better than my father, having sentenced both of us to life in a household of misery, rebuke, and hurt.
But now he also understood his father in a way he’d never done before, for the prospect of a life of misery in the same house as Elizabeth was still more appealing than the thought of a life without her.
He listened at her door for a while but heard nothing. Then he went to bed, alone for the first time in months, taunted by the sight of all the E’s hidden among the intricate vines on the bedposts.
As Stevenson shaved him the next morning, there was a knock on the door of Talbot’s dressing room. It was Elizabeth’s maid, Mary.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, Your Grace,” she said hesitantly, and Colin’s heart started pounding at her tone.
He lifted his hand to Stevenson, who removed the blade from his master’s face. Colin sat up and looked at Mary’s pale face, then her hands that were clutching her dress.
“What is it?” he asked, almost breathless for some reason.
