I nod, slowly. A new emotion, one that shouldn’t be there, quickly makes its way through me.
“It will help us in the trial.”
And then another wave of disappointment washes everything away in an instant.
“Seth,” Mr Yang straightens up. He must have heard us. “You’re home.”
“Safe and sound.” I help him up. “Would you like me to walk you to your apartment?”
“I can manage, thanks.” He takes slow steps towards the door, then stops. “Everything OK here?” he asks before leaving us.
“Everything is fine, Mr Yang.”
He nods, then disappears down the landing.
I stand staring at the closed door for a few seconds before finding the courage to turn back to Rowan.
“We’d better go to bed,” he says quickly. “I have to get up early. In a couple of hours, actually.”
“Oh, sure. Sorry about the time.”
“I never go to bed early anyway. Maybe…” He looks at the watch on his wrist. “Not quite that late.”
“Tell me about it. With these work hours and the kids, school… As you may have noticed, I’m walking around like a zombie.”
I feel his eyes studying me in the dim light of the living room. Eyes that intimidate but inevitably awaken every part of me.
“To me you always seem…”
I hold my breath, waiting for his words, but nothing more comes from him. “Shall we prepare the living room for the night?”
I let out a sad sigh. “Sure.” I go into the living room and start pulling the cushions off the couch. “I thought I’d sleep on the armchair.”
“I don’t find it very comfortable.”
“We certainly can’t share a bed,” I chuckle nervously.
Rowan remains silent for what seems like an eternity, and just when I think he’s about to tell me that he can’t wait to sleep with my warm body on top of him, he crushes all my fantasies and childish illusions with a single sentence: “We’ll take turns on the armchair.”
“No need,” I say without looking at him. “Besides, you’re the one doing me a favour. I don’t think it’s fair to make you sleep in the armchair, too.”
“One night each,” he says, his voice firm. “That way, neither of us will get a backache.”
I smile even though he can’t see me, busy settling in for the night.
“I’ll start.”
I don’t feel like contradicting him. I just finish preparing the sofa in the silence of my heart, which has decided it needs this new and surely devastating disappointment.
* * *
WHEN ROWAN CAME OUT of the bathroom, ready for bed, I was already under the covers. I didn't have the courage to put on just my usual trousers, at least not for this first night. He opted for a tracksuit and a Dublin City University T-shirt.
I watch as he takes his seat in the armchair, then pulls the blanket over his legs up to his hips. He leans his head against the pillow and sighs heavily.
I imagine this is all quite complicated for him too, and that he might feel a little uncomfortable in this house, so I try to ease the tension with a good, healthy night’s conversation.
“Is that where you studied?”
