“About me,” I shrug. “I love those kids more than anything. I would never hurt them, abandon them, and most importantly, never make them feel wrong or out of place, different, alone or… unloved.”
Mr Kennedy nods slowly.
“Wasn’t that what you wanted to hear?”
“It doesn’t matter what I want, Mr Graham.”
“I can’t lose them,” I say, the realisation clear and strong. “And they can’t lose me.”
“Then let’s not allow it to happen.”
“HOW DID IT GO?” My friend Ross asks as we order at the coffee shop on the corner, just outside the firm.
Yes, I know. My lawyer recommended going easy on the coffee, so I’m ordering another one—not decaf.
I can start tomorrow, can’t I?
Today it’s already fucked up.
“It was terrible.”
“Was it that bad?”
“I’m hopeless.”
“Did he tell you that?”
“No. Not in those terms, at least. But it didn’t take that long to figure it out.”
“But he took the case, right?”
“Actually, I’m not sure.” He never confirmed if he was my lawyer. I had taken the liberty of assuming that role without asking for his consent first. “He mentioned he would get back to me once he had a complete understanding of the situation.”
“Well, that’s encouraging, isn’t it?”
“I hope so, Ross, I really do. I wouldn’t know where else to go. And on that note, I can’t thank you enough for finding this law firm for me. And for calling. And asking for an appointment as soon as possible. And for helping me choose what to wear.”
I loosen my tie some more. I’m not used to wearing any, but Ross said I had to make a good impression. I didn’t have a proper suit, apart from the one I wore for Mark and Jillian’s funeral, which is in the back of my wardrobe. I’ll never touch it again in my life. I opted for dark jeans and a shirt. Ross thought about the tie.
I doubt I made a good impression. Not with all the tears I shed.
“You didn’t cry too much, did you?” Ross asks as if he can read my thoughts.
He didn’t even question it! He knows me too well; he knows I show my worst version under stress.
“Eh…” I shrug.
Ross smiles at me. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”
He wasn’t there with us! He didn’t see how pathetic I made myself in his eyes. Beautiful eyes, by the way. But it’s best not to point that out in the presence of witnesses.
“I will let you know when and if the lawyer gets in touch.”
“What about the children? What will you tell them?”
“I haven’t decided yet. I can’t keep hiding everything from them. They’re smart kids, especially Mason. I’m sure he’s already smelled something.”
“You should tell them the truth.”
