It was all Paul’s fault. That’s it. If there is anyone to blame, it’s him.
“May I have a few minutes with my client in private?” I ask addressing to I don’t even know who.
“Sure.” Paul makes himself useful by asking the children to follow him. “We’ll take a seat in the courtroom.” Ross and Mr Yang also follow eagerly.
I remain finally alone with Seth.
I sit down next to him and put my hand on his shoulder. Seth slowly turns his head towards me. His kind, frightened eyes hold me hostage for a few moments.
“We can’t lose it now.”
Am I saying that to him or myself?
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologising.”
“You’re right. I’m a mess. That’s who I am.” He covers his face with both hands. Only in that do I notice the nail polish.
“Seth.”
“Hmm?”
“Did you at least get some sleep after last night at the club?”
“Not really,” he admits, his eyes wrinkling.
“You didn’t even…” I point to his fingers. Only then does Seth notice the nail polish.
“You say that’s a problem?”
I want to tell him that it’s not. It’s definitely not for me nor the children who adore him, the way he makes them feel safe and loved. I wish I could tell him that I think he’s perfect just the way he is, chaos and fear and all, and that everything looks good on him, especially those tight shorts he’s sewn on with his own fingers, but I can’t let the thoughts go that free. I can’t let this case go to hell.
I can’t let anyone take the kids away from this man.
“I say you have to be careful about everything.”
“I can never be that person.”
“What person are you talking about?”
“A person a judge would trust with three children.”
“It’s not all black and white, Seth. You know that, don’t you?” I smile at him because he needs to loosen up right now, or this trial will be an unmitigated disaster.
“Tell me about it.” He smiles, too, sweet, sexy dimples appearing at the corners of his mouth. “I hate black. It goes against everything I believe in.”
“I can imagine. That’s why I appreciate the effort today.” I allude to his blue suit. It’s not black, but it’s dark and low-key.
“About yesterday,” he begins, uncertain. “I wanted to apologise for my behaviour.”
“This isn’t the time to talk about it.” I stand and walk away, just far enough so that I don’t have to see the pain in his eyes. I’ve recently discovered that I can’t stand it, mainly because I know—I feel— that he’s sincere.
Seth stands up, too. “I shouldn’t have left like that, saying those things… It’s just that sometimes I’m too sensitive.”
I turn to him. The words echo inside me as if they came from something we now share.
“It’s one of my biggest flaws.”
