I barely blush, grateful for his words.
“But it doesn’t matter what I think or how I look at you. I’m here to help you win this case. Do you want to win this case, Seth?”
“They are all I have, and I am all they have left.”
“Please don’t cry again.”
“I can hold back.”
Rowan sighs, then pushes the usual box of tissues towards me.
“I don’t want you to hold back, not when you’re here, OK?”
“But you said tears make you uncomfortable.”
“I said that.”
I take a tissue and immediately wipe my eyes. “I’m fine,” I say, taking a deep breath.
I don’t want Rowan to feel uncomfortable because of me. I can contain my emotions for a few minutes.
“I like working where I am now. It’s a good environment, despite what they say or think. It’s like a big family.”
“I don’t doubt it, but the fact that you’re not home at night doesn’t help.”
“I only work four days a week, and during the day I’m there, I take them to school, pack their lunch, and help them with their homework. Then, I don’t always come back so late. And then there’s Ross.”
“Ross… Your friend?” Rowan takes notes as I speak.
“He is the best friend you could wish for, and he is great with children. He is someone you can always count on. We’ve been friends for years, since the days…” I stop before I talk too much, as usual.
Rowan’s pen also stops. “I know you’ve been in jail, Seth. I’m your lawyer.”
I lower my gaze, disappointed. I don’t know why I didn’t want Rowan to know, and I don’t know how I thought I could keep this part of my life hidden. I’m so naïve.
“I was… I was… I was a drug addict.”
“I’m not here to judge. I told you.”
“He was the one who got me out.”
Rowan raises his eyes to me.
“My brother, Mark.” I smile at the memory of his embrace when I got out of jail, the warmth I felt around me, and the hope he gave me with just one look. “I owe him everything.”
Rowan drops his notes, rises, and leans his back against the armchair, arms on the armrests. He has the relaxed posture of one who is there, ready to listen.
“My parents threw me out when I was nineteen. I was a drug addict, true, but… We didn’t get along before, anyway. They had some problems with…” I look at myself instinctively and smile, sad. “The way I am.” I shrug and take a moment to absorb the memories running through my mind.
My parents disapproved of my choices and lifestyle. Our relationship was quite strained, but everything came to a head when they discovered my addiction. They could tolerate a gay son around the house, but they could not accept a junkie. “It didn’t take me long to get into trouble. They didn’t want to help me, but Mark never gave up on me. He was the one, you know, who paid for rehab. He and Jillian. She was the sister I never had and didn’t know I wanted. Together they were… And I am…”
“They must have been wonderful people.”
“They were, and those children… They are the picture of them. They are so smart, nice, and united. I just want to be able to love them.” I grab a tissue and blow my nose. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry, please.”
“I’m a mess!” I blow my nose again. “I’m sure you’ve never had a client like me.”
