I was so happy the day you came home. I had longed for a brother for years, but just when I was beginning to lose hope, here you came, like the first ray of morning sunshine, to brighten my life and this world too grey for your tastes.
Rowan pauses. He lowers his eyes to his grey shirt, then hints at a smile, before resuming.
I knew from the first moment that you would be my best friend, and that it would be forever. Certain things you feel right away, and I felt love for you, so much and unconditionally.
I tried to protect you, sometimes like an older brother, and sometimes like a father, but I couldn't always keep you safe. You were kind and honest, but you were fragile, tormented, restless, and in need of love and reassurance. You always thought you were not enough. And you always thought you didn’t deserve anything. And I watched you, year after year, let go, give in, sabotage yourself; try to destroy your life with your own hands. You had so much love to give to others that you didn't save an ounce of it for yourself.
Another pause. Rowan is forced to dry his eyes with the back of his hand. I don’t even try, it would be completely useless.
You have fallen so many times, and each time I feared losing you and never finding you again. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you for never giving up and for trying, I know you did it for me, too.
There is an almost religious silence in the courtroom to let Mark’s words become everyone’s and a little less mine with every breath I refuse to take.
I am proud. Damn proud of you, of how you managed to get back up, of your commitment, your strength, your resilience. And I'm proud of the way you stayed true to yourself when everything around you was screaming at you to change.
Rowan pauses again. He looks at me for a very long moment of guilt and denied forgiveness, then back at Mark’s words.
Thank you for not doing that. You have been my inspiration over the years. And my strength. And I love you. Immensely. And Jillian loves you. And the kids. You're the best person in the world, and I'm not just saying that because you're my brother, I'm saying that because it's true. You have gone through hell and come out more beautiful and brighter than before and I, or rather we, are sure that you will be able to give love, joy, laughter and life to our children. There is no better person in the world for this job. There is no person in the world to whom I would entrust the most precious thing I have.
I close my eyes, waiting for the last words.
I know it will not be easy for you, but I also know that you will do your best. I believe in you. We all believe in you. You just have to have a little faith in yourself.
You always say you're a mess, but you know what I say instead? That you are the most beautiful mess that could ever happen to me.
With all my love,
Mark.
Rowan folds the letter and wipes his eyes with his arm, then turns to the judge.
“The letter was given to the solicitor handling the will of Mark and Jillian Graham, Your Honour. It was written by Mark Graham himself about a year before the accident that killed him and his wife. And it bears the signatures of two witnesses.”
“I see, Mr Kennedy.”
Rowan glances at the kids, then turns his attention back to the judge. “If a short break is possible…”
“We all need it. We will resume tomorrow with my decision.” The judge stands and leaves the courtroom, Rowan coming towards me with his head bowed.
“How… How could you do that?”
“Let me explain…”
“There is nothing to explain. You did something I specifically asked you not to do.”
“If I did it, there is a reason, please believe me.”
I shake my head, resolute. “I don’t believe you.”
Rowan opens his eyes wide, hurt.
“I no longer believe anything you say. You have deceived me. You went behind my back. I cannot trust such a person.”
He does not speak. He just stares at me. The pain of my words is there, in his beautiful green eyes.
“It was something that only belonged to me. The only thing left of Mark for me, and you… You took it from me.”
“I only wanted to help you.”
