For now. I keep it to myself. I know the worst is yet to come.
“I’m taking the kids out for lunch,” Seth says. “Will you join us?”
“I’d rather stay here and prepare the next step.”
“Would you like us to bring you something?”
“I’m fine, thank you.”
“But you haven’t eaten anything, and you only had a protein shake this morning,” Seth reminds me.
“I never eat during a trial. Now, if you don’t mind…”
“Sure, we’ll leave right away. If you need us, we’ll be at the café just around the corner.”
I look at my watch. “Try to be here in forty-five minutes at the most, the break only lasts an hour.”
“We’ll be on time, Mr Kennedy.” Seth leaves the courtroom with the children, followed by Mr Yang and Ross, while I brace myself for unwanted comments from Paul, who has stayed with me.
“Say what you have to say and then shut up for the rest of the day.”
“I don’t have anything to say.”
“Then why did you stay?”
“I thought I could help.”
“I’ve got everything under control.” I sit down and start going through my notes.
“You’re always in control.” Paul sits down beside me. “I wonder if you really believe that.”
“Didn’t you just say you had nothing to say?”
“Maybe I changed my mind.”
I take off my glasses and start to massage my eyes. “What do you want, Paul?”
“Why are you so hard on him?”
“What do you mean?”
Paul gives me a dirty look.
“I’m just focused.” And cold. And distant. As if I hadn’t been in bed with him. As if I hadn’t held him to my chest. As if he hadn’t caressed me and brought me back when memories tried to drag me down again. “I can’t afford any distractions in the courtroom.”
“I understand that, but you’re also here as… How shall I put it…”
“I know very well in what role I am here.”
“Sometimes you seem to forget.”
“How could I, when you are always there to remind me?”
“Hey! I wasn’t the one who suggested that you pretend to be his partner.”
No, this is all my own doing.
“Now you have to continue with this strategy or it will be the end for him.”
