“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong or would you rather keep sighing?”
“Am I making it loud?”
“Quite, yes.”
I think about it for a few seconds, then take courage. “I was wondering… What will happen when the trial is over?”
“What do you mean?”
“Should the judge decide to entrust the kids to us. Will we really get married so we can continue our… er… charade?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think about it. At that moment, I only thought about buying time, not about the future.”
Time, he says.
What about me? Haven’t you thought about me? What about our future?
“The judge will never entrust the kids to me, will he? To me alone, I mean.”
Rowan sighs heavily. “I don’t know, Seth.”
“We can’t continue to lie.”
“Let’s not think about that now. Let’s just focus on the final result.”
I rise and look at him. I can’t rely on him staying in our lives.
People like Rowan never stick around. They drain you and leave you longing and reminiscing, hoping for their return.
“I was thinking that maybe I should have interviews.”
“Mmm?”
“I should, you know, look for something more… Ordinary.”
“But you hate everything that is ordinary.”
Rowan tried to reason with me at first, and to offer me job interviews procured by him, but I was hesitant, and perhaps even a little naïve. I thought I could convince the judge of my skills, but I was proven wrong almost immediately.
“It doesn’t matter what I hate or what I love.” You, dammit! I love you! Can’t you understand that? “What matters is what’s good for the kids.”
Rowan gives me a sad smile. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am. Could you help me?”
“Of course.” He lifts a hand and slides it behind the back of my head. “I'll make a few phone calls.”
“Thank you.”
Ducking back down, Rowan kisses my hair. “You don’t have to worry, Seth. I’ve got you. Just trust me, okay?”
“You’re too good to be true and what’s more, you’re in my bed. Technically on my sofa, but that counts as a bed, right?”
“Stop it.”
“Why don’t you want me to tell you how beautiful you are? And I’m not just talking about your beautiful face, or your beautiful ass. Not to mention your abs and your arms…” I touch the arms in question. “Strong and powerful… What in the world are they?”
“Are you finished?”
