“I’ll find a way to sort this out.”
“There’s only one way, Jake. You have to tell Sean the truth.”
“What about you? Are you going to tell him?”
“What am I supposed to tell him?”
“That you want the two of you to be more than just a lie.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Do you? Do you have any clue how much bullshit is coming out of your mouth right now, just to avoid admitting the truth to yourself?”
“What truth?”
“Listen, Eric, I love you…”
“I don’t like the way this conversation is going.”
“…and that’s exactly why I’m telling you this. You and Colm were never going to last.”
I shake my head. I don’t want to listen to this, but Jake isn’t someone who beats around the bush. That’s why we’ve been friends for so long.
“Nothing you did caused your relationship to end, and nothing could’ve changed it. You weren’t meant to be together. And I’m sorry you got hurt, that you’re still hurting because of him, because of what he did. But your relationship was toxic, Eric. He wasn’t good for you.”
“You don’t know what our relationship was like.”
“But I know you. I saw you, could feel your pain, could tell how unhappy you were. He manipulated you, tried to mould you into something you weren’t. He wanted to control you, your family. He wanted power, not love.”
I know he’s right; that Colm, sometimes, seemed more interested in being part of my family than I was. He was always judging me, making me feel… Not good enough. But I can’t admit that. It took me so long to work it out, after we broke up, that what we had was nothing like it was in my head – nothing like the way I wanted it to be. But part of me still wanted it all back.
“There’s more out there,” Jake says, nodding towards the restaurant door. “Much more. You just need to let go of the past and open your eyes, take a risk.”
“What if I get hurt again, Jake?”
My friend smiles. “I’ll always be there to reach out a hand, or throw a few punches. I’ve always dreamed of breaking Colm’s nose.”
I smile, in spite of everything.
“I never liked him. And he never liked me.”
Colm was jealous of our friendship. He didn’t like the way Jake ‘hovered’ around me.
Funny that he’s the one been hovering around someone else – someone he left me for.
“At least with Sean you’ll never have that problem. He likes me, I like him…”
“Cut it out. And try focusing on your own life, or I’ll have to start throwing punches at you.”
“You’d never hit me,” Jake says confidently.
“Don’t push your luck.”
“You love me too much, and you like my face too much to ruin it.”
I laugh and shake my head.
“You’re an idiot.”
