“It’s tonight. I’d completely forgotten about it.”
“Do you often forget things,professor?”
“I asked you not to call me that. Please.”
“You’re right, sorry.”
I take another deep breath, but it’s not enough, even though I’m outside. I shouldn’t feel so short of oxygen.
“If you’re not free, I understand.”
“I can make it work.”
I squeeze my phone tightly.
“Are you sure?”
“No problem.”
I let out all the air in my body, hoping he can’t tell how tense I’m feeling.
“I’m warning you, it’ll be boring.”
“More boring than a fundraiser with my family?”
“It’ll be full of people like me.”
“Like you?”
“Professors, PHDs, researchers… People who talk too much.”
“You don’t talk too much.”
A new emotion starts to expand in my stomach.
“What time will I come and pick you up?”
“You want to pick me up?”
“If that’s not a problem.”
“No, of course not. Is six okay?”
“I’ll try to be on time.”
“See you later, then.”
“See you later.”
I hang up feeling more anxious than before, but somehow electrified, knowing that I won’t be able to deal with these new emotions for much longer, but not yet ready to give them up; not before I’ve savoured them fully, and hurt myself irrevocably.
* * *
ISLIDEMY KEY into the lock and open the door to my apartment. The dim light trickling in from the lamp in the living room tells me that someone has been waiting for me.
“Hey.” I drop my bag onto the sofa and approach my sister, who’s perched on the windowsill, smoking. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
She turns to face me and shrugs.
