“I’m not spending Christmas with the whole family this year,” Eric says, determined but respectful.
“Why not?”
“You know why.”
I think I know why, too. He has a name and a face that I don’t like one bit.
“I thought things would be different this year.”
“What do you mean?”
Eric’s grandmother’s eyes land on me; it’s only then that I realise I’m the reason for this whole conversation.
“Will you grace us with your presence this year, Sean?” Evelyn asks.
“Oh… I…” I grasp nervously at my shirt collar. “I don’t know if…” I glance at Eric in search of help, but he seems to have the same problem as me.
“There’s less than a month to Christmas,” she adds.
“Yes, but…” I try to think of something to say, but I come up short.
“Do you have plans to go elsewhere?” Evelyn asks me directly.
Eric’s eyes are still on me. I can’t tell whether he wants me to shut the conversation down or whether he’s begging me not to disappoint the person he loves.
“I’ll see what I can do,” I say diplomatically.
She smiles, turning her attention back to her steak. “I’ve already ordered the Christmas trees,” she announces. “And new lights for outside.”
“I see you’ve already organised everything,” I comment, hoping to lift Eric and I from our discomfort.
“When Granny gets an idea in her head…” Eric says, before emptying the contents of his glass.
I think I’ll be driving home tonight, too.
“No one can stop my Evelyn,” Larry says. The two exchange a complicit glance before turning back to their dinner.
Eric watches them and I watch him, wondering how long we’ll be able to pretend to be something we’re not, and how long it’ll be before our charade hurts someone who doesn’t deserve it.
WHEN ERIC’SGRANDMOTHER wanders off to prepare us some tea, followed by Larry, I gather my courage and decide to speak to him before everything gets out of hand.
“I didn’t think this would go on for quite so long.”
Eric lifts his eyes from the table and looks at me. As soon as his grandmother left the room, he’d fallen silent, avoiding any eye contact with me.
“This thing between us, I mean,” I say, gesturing between the two of us. “It took me by surprise, but I tried to give a simple, diplomatic answer that you’ll be able to find an explanation to.”
“I don’t follow.”
“Well, I’m guessing you don’t want me here at Christmas with your family, and…” I can’t even say it – I can’t think of him, let alone say his name. Because I’m certain that he’ll be there, too.
Eric blinks, his lips parted, but no sound coming from his mouth. It’s almost as if he has nothing to say.
“You’ve earned yourself a bit of time, at least. I’m sure you’ll find a solution before then.”
“Time,” he parrots.
I nod, waiting for a more constructive response.
