“It was a last-minute thing,” he says, as if he needed to justify himself. “I wasn’t expecting him to ask…” He doesn’t finish his sentence. He probably doesn’t know how to tell his ex-boyfriend that he’s marrying someone else.
I nod slowly, taking another drag on my cigarette.
“Are you okay?”
I suppress a bitter laugh.
“I’m great. Can’t you tell?”
“Not really, to be honest.”
“I’m here with someone,” I say, as if that statement were enough to mask the pain I felt, seeing them on stage together. As if it were enough not to miss him, not to feel every day of my life like someone who wasn’t worth loving.
“I’ve seen. And honestly, I was wondering what you’re doing with a guy like him.”
“Funny of you to say something like that.” I stub out my cigarette and lift myself away from the wall, turning to face him. “What gave you the right to have a say in my life? I’m none of your business. You decided that for yourself.”
“But I still care about you. We’ve known each other our whole lives.”
“I don’t want you to care about me. I don’t know what to do with that information.” I head over to the glass door leading into the ballroom, but he speaks again.
“It would never have worked. We’re too different. Our lives were going down separate paths.”
I glance at him from over my shoulder.
“But that doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends.”
“I don’t want your friendship.”
“Then what do you want?”
Until a few hours ago, I would’ve told him that the only thing I wanted – actually, the only thing I wanted back – was us. But now I’m not even sure that the person in front of me is the same person who used to hold me each night, in our bed; the person who whispered sweet nothings into my ear, which now means nothing at all.
“I already have everything I need.”
I leave him standing there and head back inside, walking over to our table. But I notice immediately that my seat is taken by someone I never expected to see here tonight.
“Granny?”
She turns, smiling, as always. My eyes can’t help but fall onto her hand, which is resting on Sean’s arm.
“What are you…? I didn’t know you were coming.”
“I didn’t know you were coming, either – and with company,” she says suggestively, winking.
“I see you’ve met…” I say, nodding at Sean beside her.
“I introduced myself all on my own, because if I’d waited for you… Where did you get to, anyway?”
“I was outside getting some air.”
My grandmother’s eyes shift behind me, before landing back on me as Colm takes his place at the table. Her gaze tells me all the words I’ve already heard from her a thousand times. I don’t want to hear them again.
“Why don’t you come to my table?” she asks. “Therealtop table. It’s much more fun there.”
“I thought this was the top table?” Sean asks naively.
She rolls her eyes, making me laugh.
