We won’t work.
I pull away from him slowly and study him. Colm and I had been something, something I thought would last forever. But that something doesn’t exist anymore.
“I can’t believe that professor… I can’t believe you and he… Come on. You’re an O’Shea!”
I shake off his grip calmly. It has no effect on me anymore: him, what we shared. It all belongs to a different person.
“You’re not better than me, you know.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You’re here with me. You were happy to walk away from the house, from him… You could’ve told me to fuck off right away. But here we are, alone. You wanted to do this: you wanted to be with me. You let me kiss you. You could’ve pushed me away sooner, you…”
“Trust me, you’ve got it wrong.”
“Have I? This is cheating, too, you know.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. The only person being cheated on here is Robert.”
Even though Colm cheated on me, even though he broke my heart, I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to lie, don’t want to pretend anymore. I want to be honest. I want to leave everything behind me, lies included. I want to look to the future: a future he’ll never be part of.
“Are things over between you and the professor?”
“We were never together. We were never a couple. It was all pretend, a deal I asked him to make me so that I could get my family off my back – so that I could shake off the memory of you. But it didn’t work. The fact is that I…”
“A deal.” A voice I shouldn’t be hearing floats in from behind me, echoing my own. “That’s all this is, then.”
I turn.
Sean, Jake, and Mila have caught up with us.
“Sean… It’s not what you think, I was…”
“Please.” He lifts a hand in my direction, stopping me from getting any closer. “I don’t want to hear any more bullshit.”
“Please, just listen…”
“So last night… And everything else…?”
“Just let me…”
“You were with him.”
“Sean.”
“You walked off with him.”
“He asked me to talk, and I wanted closure. I wanted…”
“He kissed you. I saw. We all saw.” He nods at Jake and Mila, standing behind him. “We were worried, so we came looking for you.”
“I just want to talk to you in private and…”
“There’s nothing else to say, seeing as there’s nothing going on between us.”
I reach out my hand to him, but Sean steps back.
“We’re leaving.”
