“Granny…” Eric attempts again, but I smile at her.
“My father died when I was in my first year of college, and my mother died two years later. They didn’t quite see me graduate.” I smile again, nostalgic now. “Mila was there to cheer me on, though.”
“Mila’s your sister?”
I nod. “My grandma helped us out for a while, but unfortunately she started to show signs of dementia, so we had to move her in a nursing home.”
“I didn’t know that,” Eric says out loud; something which doesn’t escape his grandmother.
“These aren’t the sort of things you discuss with the guy you’re seeing – especially not if you want to keep seeing him.”
Eric flashes me a weak smile.
“My grandma, like my sister, had a condition…” I say, cautiously. “A personality disorder.” I try to gauge Eric’s grandmother’s reaction, but she doesn’t budge. “It was interesting trying to help them both.”
Evelyn smiles at me.
“But I loved them both the way they were, and I still do. My mother had different ideas, though. She lived with my grandma and knew what it all meant. But when it came to Mila, we ignored the signs, refused to accept reality.”
“That can’t have been easy for any of you. Especially not for your sister,” Evelyn says.
“She didn’t want to accept it, either. And she didn’t want any help. She was out of control, would have these moments of rage and manic episodes… Then came the depression, anxiety about the future, moments of total darkness when we were all afraid she’d do something irreversible.”
“Oh, my dear boy!” Evelyn gets up and sits across the table from me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to air all my family’s dirty laundry…”
“It’s okay. Thank you for sharing something so private with us,” Evelyn says.
“You shouldn’t have asked him all those questions,” Eric says to her, his tone kind but firm.
“It’s okay. I’m not ashamed of my family,” I say proudly.
“And you shouldn’t be.”
“Sean’s sister will be with us for Christmas,” Eric says.
“I’m looking forward to meeting her.”
“Jake will be here, too.”
“That good-for-nothing friend of yours?”
We all laugh, finally shifting the tension caused by my family woes.
“And what is he doing spending Christmas with us?”
“Jake is sort of seeing Sean’s sister,” Eric tells her.
His grandmother studies me.
“I still don’t really know how things are going, but I think the two of them have feelings for each other.”
“Oh… Well, in that case…” Evelyn gets up and joins Larry over by the Christmas tree. She studies him happily and he rests his hand on her shoulder. Her own hand moves to hold his.
I watch them in admiration, and a little jealousy, before shifting my gaze to Eric, who’s busy staring at me. He flashes me a sad, nostalgic smile which feels distant; as if our pretence had already reached its conclusion and he were about to say goodbye to me forever.
I’m not ready to hear him say this is over. I’m not ready to say it myself.
