“We’ll be there in a minute,” Sean tells him.
He heads back inside, and I bring Sean’s attention back to me, pulling him close.
“How fast can you eat?”
Sean laughs, and I let him go. He pushes the door and gestures for me to lead him inside.
God, I like this.
Him.
Us.
The laughter and the words. The silences, swallowing our thoughts. I like the trembling hands, the groaning lips.
I like the way I feel. I like what I feel. And I love that, for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have control of myself: of who I am and what I want.
* * *
AFTER THE LONGESTdinner of my life, Sean and I finally head back to his apartment. I stroked his thigh in the car. He didn’t look at me, but I saw him smile from the corner of my eye. We’re both nervous when we step out of the car, but excited. He’s had a few drinks, and I had a half. I wanted to have a clear head, to make sure I could drive. I didn’t want to wait any longer for the moment when we would finally be alone and finally aware that something has changed between us.
Not tonight, and not the other night when we last went out. I think something started to change with that kiss, even though we never wanted it to – even though it was stolen, and didn’t exactly end well. But it was enough. To feel him so close, to realise his scent was already something I could smell on my skin as if it were mine; to taste him, feel his hands, and… And the way I feel now, thinking back to that moment… I’m turned on, hard as stone, and have been since I took his hand at the pub, after our story.
Sean slides his key into the lock of his front door and opens it, stepping inside. I follow and close it behind me. I can’t resist another second; I grab his shoulders and push him against the wall.
“You’re driving me insane, Mr. Quinn,” I breathe into his neck, my words on his skin, my nose buried behind his ear.
“Don’t be silly,” Sean responds, nervous.
I push my hips against him and Sean shudders, feeling how excited he makes me.
“Maybe we should…”
“Go upstairs?” I suggest. “Unless you think you’ve had too much to drink?”
“I haven’t had that much.”
“I’m pretty drunk, though. Otherwise, I never could’ve witnessed that.” A voice in the dark makes us both jump.
“What the hell…?”
Sean pushes away from the wall to head over to the stairs, where a drunk Jake appears, looking forlorn.
“What are you doing out here in the dark?” Sean asks.
“She doesn’t want me,” Jake moans. “She doesn’t want me anymore.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Maybe we’d better take him upstairs,” I suggest, before Jake can let the truth slip without thinking, without giving Sean time to prepare. “We can carry him.”
“My best friends, both here for me. It doesn’t seem real.”
“Shut up and help us. I’m not dragging you all the way up,” I warn him.
“Come on, Jake, one foot in front of the other, you can do it,” Sean says encouragingly. “It’s just a flight of stairs.”
“If you say so.”
