“I’ll be glad to be there,” he says, his tone upbeat. “Will it be a classy event, I presume?
“Oh, speaking of…”
“Don’t tell me I have to wear a tux!”
“No, this isn’t about clothes. I wasn’t totally honest with you about Christmas.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not just dinner. When Granny spoke about Christmas back in the day, she meant spending time at her house.”
Sean frowns in confusion.
“Three days, give or take. The evening of the 23rd, then the whole of the 24th until dinner on the 25th with my parents.”
“Sounds like a lot.”
“I should’ve told you what you were letting yourself in for.”
“And you want me there for the whole thing?”
“If that’s not a problem. If you feel up to it.”
“It’s much more than I expected.”
“I know, and I understand if you want to pull out.”
“And we’d have to stay at your grandmother’s house?”
I nod, nervous now.
“I’m assuming she has a lot of bedrooms…” Sean jokes, although he’s just as nervous as I am. “Well, if Mila’s okay and feels like coming… I don’t see why not.”
“Seriously?”
“A deal is a deal.”
“A deal, you say.”
“Is that not what this is between us?”
I don’t know whether he’s really asking me or whether it’s a rhetorical question. Either way, I don’t know how to respond. I’m not sure it’s just a deal, but I don’t know how I’d tell him that now. I wouldn’t know how to explain myself. All I know is that I’m scared that the time we have left isn’t enough to work it all out.
“Is there anything else? After Christmas, I mean?”
“Mmm?”
“Do I have to come to any more events or dinners or…?”
“Actually…”
I actually want to spend every waking second with you. But I don’t know how to do that without ruining everything. I’m so hurt, so used to hurting others before they can get to me, that I’m scared everything will only be a disaster.
“I think that’s everything. I mean… Granny would want us there as soon as possible to help with decorations. She says she only trusts us.”
“Oh… I guess I can do that.”
“Really?”
