34
Chris
“I’m home.”
“Hey, where have you been? I’m hungry and I can’t decide what to order,” I stop dead in the doorway.
“I’ve brought a guest.”
“Hi, Chris…tine.”
“Er…I’m going to…do…well, I’ll leave you two alone.”
“Evan!” I scream after him, but he’s already scampered up the stairs.
“What are you doing here?” I say, crossing my arms.
Distance. Lots of distance. Maybe I should go upstairs, too, and speak to him from there.
“I bumped into Evan so…”
“You’re not welcome in this house.”
“I thought I might not be.”
“The door’s over there,” I say, pointing to it.
He takes a step forward, as I take two backwards.
“I’m sorry,” he says in one breath, as if he’d just let go of a huge weight.
“For what? For fucking me? For running away afterwards like a bastard? For treating me like a…?”
“For everything. I’m sorry about everything. Apart from…the first part. I’m not sorry about that at all.”
I feel myself flushing bright red, up to the ears.
“I didn’t go to the café for that. But then I saw you, and you’re so…” he breathes deeply. “You’re you, Christine. You’re justyou.”
“I don’t get what you mean.”
“I don’t get it either.”
“What do you want from me, Ryan? What are you looking for? Another fuck? Because what happened yesterday will never happen again.”
“I’m not looking for anything in particular. But I never expected to find you.”
Ohwow. His words hit me, but no – I can’t let myself be swayed again. I need nerves of steel, I have to be tough, unwavering. Anyway, they don’t sound like real excuses – not even close. It’s all just a huge mistake. One that neither of us will forget.
“Well, I’m sorry that I came into your life,” I say, unable to hide the resentment in my voice. It isn’t easy to keep away tears that are threatening to strangle you.
“Me too.”
At least he’s honest, I’ll give him that. But sometimes honesty isn’t the right answer. I’d rather he’d lied. Even a white lie would’ve made me feel better, not made me feel ashamed for what happened.
“It’s just that I’m not very good at…I’m not a nice person. I’m not easy to be around. I’m always angry, I’m always a dick.”
“Yeah, I got that.”
