I jump up, pulled forward by an inexplicable anger, urging me to finish what I started all those years ago. I storm up the stairs and head outside, regretting that I didn’t bring a paper bag with me.
I lean back against the wall and let my head fall against the brick. No – I smack it back against the brick, hoping to batter the memory of what I’ve just seen out of my brain.
“What are you doing out here?”
Bloody fantastic.He’s just who I wanted to see.
“What areyoudoing out here? You were so busy in there…” I can’t even finish my own sentence.
“Mmm?”
“Just leave it.”
“I have left it,” he says, leaning on the wall next to me. “You’re the one who shouldn’t do it.”
“Me? What?”
“You know what I’m talking about.”
“I don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, let’s see…I’ll refresh your memory, shall I? Black dress, bare back, red hair…”
“Go fuck yourself, Nick!”
“I think it’s you who needs to fuck something.”
“You’re a piece of shit.”
“No, Ryan. I’m not the piece of shit here. Not this time.”
“You’re always a piece of shit,” I say, peeling myself off the wall and turning to face him.
“Wow…don’t tell me you’ve finally decided to grow a pair?”
“It’s just us out here. Don’t make me finish what I started.”
“Go on, then,” he says, opening out his arms. “You don’t have the balls anyway – just like you don’t have the balls to go back downstairs and act like a man, instead of like an upset little boy crying in the corner because he thinks the world is against him.”
I grab him by his shirt collar and drag him towards me.
“Do it, Ryan. Dosomethingfor fuck’s sake! Do anything, but just snap out of it!”
I drop him back down. It makes no sense to waste my energy on him.
“You know what, Nick? Fuck you. Go back to where you came from, no one wants you here. No one needs you,” I growl through my teeth, before heading back downstairs and ignoring the growing pain that I know has nothing to do with Nick.
But everything to do with me.
It’s always me.
