“If you just calm down, I promise…”
“You’ve done it, too, Ian. You always try to cover for him,” I say, pointing at Nick.
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“You wanted to kiss his arse, like you always do.”
“I don’t need someone to kiss my arse,” Nick stands up, too.
“Everyone just sit down and calm down,” Ian growls. “You’re making a scene.”
I look around me, realising that the few other customers are watching us, and probably listening to our argument, which resonates around the half-empty pub.
I sit down, and Nick follows suit.
“I never asked Ian to cover for me,” Nick begins. “I wanted to be the one to tell you, but with everything you’ve been through…”
“Oh sure, you wanted to protect my heart, and not your own arse.”
“Fuck, Ryan! Nick made a mistake. No one’s trying to justify what he did, and you’ll probably never forgive him for it. We know that. But now we have more important things to worry about. We need to make a decision.”
“Haven’t you two already made one?” I ask, my stare icy.
“No,” Nick sighs. “We wanted to discuss it with you.”
I cross my arms and lean my back against the chair.
“Well, that’s new,” I comment sarcastically, hiding my real emotions.
“It’s never too late to make things right,” Nick says, serious now. From the look in his eyes, I can see that he’s not just talking about our family issues.
He’s talking about me and him.
Nick and I had the usual kind of relationship that you find between brothers: we were close, but at a distance. He’s the oldest, and always treated me like his annoying little brother that was constantly running around his feet. But if I ever needed help, he’d come running, without me even having to ask.
When Ian joined our family, our balance was thrown off-kilter. There were only two years between Nick and Ian, they trained together in the school team, and so they had a relationship that I was always cut out from. Ian was an intruder, someone that stole my brother’s affection from me. But, growing up, Ian showed me what a real brother could be: a rock, a shoulder for everyone to cry on. For me and for Nick. And after the first few years, he became the glue that kept us together. It was through him that Nick and I really became brothers, united, a real family. Until the day that Nick destroyed everything.
We grew apart, didn’t speak for years, until Ian forced us to come home. Now, we limit ourselves to brief meetings, always about family issues, or when Ian once needed us, after losing Riley.
And now, Nick’s here, sitting opposite me, asking me to give him a chance. Asking me if he can go back to being the brother I’ve been missing – the brother I’d really like to have back.
But I know that nothing can ever be the same again, because I’m not the same person I once was. That sensitive, fragile boy who everyone wanted to protect doesn’t exist anymore.
He’s been replaced by a man, wild and angry; one who never forgives, or forgets.
