12
Ryan
Iget out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist and ruffling my hair to dry it off. Training was tough today, and it was just what I needed. Something physical, exhausting, that makes your muscles sore and your body burn so much that you forget about everything else. It helps to empty your head, reset the thoughts tormenting your mind. The only way for me to stop any other pain, a pain with no cure that cuts off your breathing.
I pull some clothes out of my duffel bag and slowly get dressed, trying to prolong this sense of peace. I’m suddenly pulled back down to Earth by the sound of happy laughter.
I turn around to see Seth, one of my teammates, with a little girl in his arms. She’s about three years old, with big blue eyes and gleaming blonde hair. Seth grabs her, and they laugh together about something, before she hugs him tightly back. They walk away, and I’m left watching the happy imagine fade slowly, while a familiar pang of pain hits my chest.
I clench my jaw and squeeze my eyes shut for a moment. When I open them, the changing rooms are silent and deserted in front of me.
I collect up my stuff and head for the exit, when I bump into Scott in the doorway, busy hitting on one of the girls from the press office.
“Are you two done?” I ask, irritated for no reason.
“Me and Rebecca were just going to go and grab a drink. We’re both off tomorrow. Fancy coming along?”
I go over to him, and say, discreetly “I don’t want to be a third wheel.”
“She can bring a friend.”
“Do you think that’s…appropriate?” I ask, one eyebrow raised.
“We’re just going for a drink, Ryan, relax,” he smiles, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You’re young and free!”
Free, I think. It’s true – I guess I am.
My body is free. My relationship status, too. But my head isn’t, and never will be; as for my heart, well. That’s gone forever.
“I don’t care.”
“Ryan, come on…”
“I don’t want to, okay?”
“Just a few drinks, I swear it’ll be fun.”
I snort derisively, pulling on my jacket as Rebecca approaches us.
“Ready? My friend’s waiting for us.”
Scott looks at me again, his gaze pleading me to come with them. And even though I know it’s a terrible idea, I do go with them – tonight, I need to forget about everything, try not to think about last night, where I let my feelings get confused by that irritating woman. Women like her should be avoided like the plague.
* * *
We’re sittingin theAvoca Bar, a pub in Blackrock near the training centre. It’s mainly a locals’ pub – normally, the players and workers meet atThe Bridge, a bar run by a few of the guys on the team. I imagine Scott’s choice to come here was deliberate. It’s not exactly forbidden to date people that work in the centre, but the coach isn’t a big fan, so it’s best he doesn’t hear about it – or we all know how he’ll make him pay.
I take another sip of my beer, trying to wash down the bitterness rising in my throat at the thought ofher, from last night, at the words I screamed at her and the words she screamed back. And I’m not drinking because it bothers me: I’m drinking from the frustration I still feel at having been so close to her, that she keeps popping up in my life. Not even two Xanax helped.
“So you must’ve just moved here?” Abby’s soothing voice sounds into my ear, as she lightly touches my arm. “Are you…seeing anyone?” she asks, with no attempt at masking her intentions.
I shake my head and finish my beer.
“I’ve lived here a year now, since I started working at the centre. I never really wanted to be a secretary for the management office, but at least I get the chance to meet loads of interesting people.”
“I’m off,” I say, getting up suddenly and shaking her hand off my arm.
She’s already too much for me.
