80
Ryan
“It depends,” she says, biting her lip to keep her emotions at bay. “What am I betting on?”
I smile and shake my head, half terrified and half fuelled by adrenaline, willing to take this leap of faith with her.
“Well, I can offer you relaxing TV dinners on the sofa. Chaos – mine and yours. I want your feet resting up on my legs. Laughter, lots of it. I want to laugh at you, laugh at myself, laugh at everything. I want to laugh Christine, and be happy – and you make me happier than I ever thought was fucking possible. I want nights of passion – under the sheets and on top of them – on this sofa, on that counter, on the stairs, in the shower…and I want to wait for you here, when you come home from work in the evening, shattered. I want to wrap my arms around you and help you relax. I want to see your tears when you’re crying over some stupid film, that I’m only watching to make you happy – but you know that, really, I’m enjoying it too.”
She bursts out laughing between her tears.
“And…” my voice starts to shake. “I want to take Evan to school every morning. I want to train him in the back garden. I want to wait for him at home in the evening, when he comes home past his curfew and pisses you off. I want to have Sunday lunch at my parents’, all together, with you sitting opposite me. And I want…”
“Ryan…”
“You, Christine. I want you, and everything you have. And I want to give myself to you, to give you everythingIhave.”
I try to stifle a sob, and try to quieten my heart, which is telling me to run to her and take her in my arms.
“And we’ll fight all the time. I already know that. But I want those fights, with screaming and slamming doors. And I know that we’ll probably hurt each other, but it doesn’t matter. I’ll take it all, Christine, if you’re willing to give it to me. I won’t leave, I won’t run away. But please, don’t kick me out, even when I really piss you off – because we both know that I will.”
She shakes her head, but keeps smiling.
“We’ll hurt each other, but we’ll do it together, Christine. Because I can’t do it without you.”
She steps closer to me, and I wrap my arms around her waist, feeling her weaken at my touch.
“I tried to hurt you with all my might. But trying to hate you destroyed me more than trying not to love you.”
“Oh…”
“You get it, right?”
She nods.
“Wow,” I sigh, relieved. “I didn’t think I’d explained myself very well.”
“You explained it very well,” she says, linking her arms around my neck. “Well. I’d say, by this point, you can call me Chris if you’d like.”
“Fuck that,” I say, making her narrow her eyes. “I don’t want to call you Chris. I’m not your friend, not your family…I’m your man. And I want to be the only person who calls you Christine. And, you know, it’s also sexy. It makes me think of…”
“Shut up, you’ll ruin it.”
“I know I will. Lots of times. I’ll eventryto ruin everything.”
“No you won’t, O’Connor.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’m here now, and I’m not going to let you.”
She jumps up into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist.
“The others are upstairs,” I remind her.
“Not for long. Because you’re not going anywhere now.”
“Where the fuck else would I go?” I say, looking into her eyes and feeling immediately at home. “You know that I’m in love with you, right?” I tell her, finally giving myself in to her completely.
