78
Ryan
I’m sitting at the dinner table with my family, staring at the plate in front of me. I haven’t got the strength to eat. I can hear them talking as if they’re in the distance, making jokes, asking questions. But I don’t pay them any attention. I sit there, closed off, barricaded inside myself for fear that something could hurt me even more.
The pain in my chest is growing bigger every minute, lodging my breath in my throat. It stops me from thinking of her hair, her hands all over me, her mouth. The heat of her body, driving me crazy.
There won’t be any more TV dinners eaten out of Tupperware boxes. No more films on the sofa, bickering over the most useless shit. No more uncontrollable passion, waking up next to her in unexpected bliss. No more of her laughter, which stops all my tears in their tracks, No more hearts beating so loud they could shatter out chests.
No more her. No more me.
No more us.
“Ryan…Ryan!”
Someone calls my name, and I shake my head, trying to bring myself back to reality. I lift my gaze and find Evan standing next to me, in my parents’ house.
“What…?”
“Outside, now!” he threatens, stabbing his finger towards the back door.
“Kid, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to take on someone so much bigger than you,” Nick interjects, but I stop him.
I nod at him to head outside, and I follow, striding through the awkward silence that settles over the dining room.
It’s raining outside, but Evan doesn’t care. He stands there, in the rain, glaring at me like a man who’s ready to fight to the death to protect his woman.
And that woman is his mother.
“You’re a bastard, Ryan!”
I nod.
“She didn’t…she didn’t deserve that.”
I nod again.
“She deserves more than you.”
He’s right. He’s always been right.
The door opens behind us. All the O’Connors are outside, trying to break up the thousandth family fight.
“Evan, son…” Dad tries to intervene, but Evan won’t let anyone get between us.
“Ryan’s a dick!” he yells.
“That’s nothing new,” Nick comments, inappropriate as always.
“He just wanted to fuck my mum!”
“Hey, keep your voice down,” Ian cuts in.
“But that’s what he did. He pushed his way into our house, made her think that he’d stay, then pissed off at the first opportunity. Without a fucking word.”
“I explained to your mum that…”
“Well you didn’t explain it to me!” he says, close to tears. “I thought you were my mate, that we could trust each other. But you treated me like a little kid.”
