“Why do you want to? Why do you want to help me?”
“Because I can see how much you’re suffering. I can see what they did to you – I can see the pain in your eyes when we’re together, and I don’t want to see it anymore.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Maybe it is, though.”
“What do you mean?”
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.
“She didn’t come.”
“She?”
“She never showed up.”
“I don’t get it…”
“She left me. At the altar.”
Christine’s mouth falls open.
“We were together for ten years. A school romance. She lived nearby, and I’d known her since we were kids. Then, one day, we fell in love.”
Christine strokes my face.
“I had only ever loved her. I stood by her through everything and she…she was always there. I owed all my success to her. Matches, prizes…it was all for her. I was so stupid…”
“No. No, you weren’t. You were in love.”
“I really was. I was a different person. I was romantic, I was…present. I was everything she wanted.”
“I’m sure you were a wonderful guy, just like you still are, Ryan. Nothing has changed.”
“I bought us a house. Just like she wanted. I proposed, and she said yes. Then she never showed up. She gave me no explanation, no warning…she let me wait in that church for an hour.”
Christine leans on my chest and wraps her arms around me.
“She didn’t want to talk to me, so Nick…” I continue through my teeth, “…he decided to take the situation into his own hands. He went to see her to talk about it, and then the next morning I saw them together. They were hugging on her driveway.”
Christine lifts her head suddenly, watching for my reaction. I’m cold, impersonal, lacking any emotion. She doesn’t deserve anything from me anymore.
“They got drunk and ended up in bed together – or so they say. The truth is that neither of them remember what happened. But they woke up in the same bed, Christine.”
“And then, what…?”
“I tried to kill my brother.”
“What?”
I cover my eyes with my hands.
“Ian stopped me. And so I left, Christine. I tore up the contract I’d just signed with Leinster, my big break – the one I’d been waiting for my whole life. I accepted an offer in England. I turned my back on everyone… I destroyed my family. I just wanted to shut myself off, never look back. To forget. But I haven’t forgotten any of it. What she did to me will always be in here,” I say, pointing to my chest. “From then on, I was a bastard. I was pissed off, I hated everyone. I was an arsehole to everyone: family, friends, women… and I was an arsehole to you, too.”
“It’s understandable, Ryan…”
