I shake my head.
“Because they see what’s inside us and reach out to us anyway. And it isn’t always pretty, what you find inside yourself. Sometimes it’s easier not to look at all, and by ourselves, mate, we don’t have the courage to face what we’re hiding. But if someone takes your hand, anything seems possible.”
I listen to him, spellbound by his wisdom.
“I can’t do it.”
“Jamie…”
“No, I don’t want to talk about myself. I’m only saying it because I want you to understand how difficult it can be to reach out. And it’s even more difficult to keep hold of that person. But sometimes it’s the only way to save yourself.”
“You’ve lost me.”
Jamie smiles. “You’ll get it.”
He gets up and walks away, leaving me alone with my thoughts and his words, which start to take shape in my mind. I think I’m starting to get what he means.
* * *
When I stepout onto the field, the crowd is going mad. We’re almost at the finals of the championship, at the top of the league. The fans are crazy this season, supporting us like never before. The team is the best it’s ever been, the guys all in perfect shape physically. They’re motivated; but today, I have one more thing to motivate me. And she’s sitting in the stands.
I never thought a woman could give me this kind of motivation, that shimmer of adrenaline. The force that keeps you running faster, making joy explode in your chest every time you score a try.
I never really believed in it – not even when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with someone. But today, I believe it.
Today, I believe in something new. Something unexpected, and wonderful.
Something that’s watching me from the crowd, wearing a Leinster jersey. Something that, after I’ve won, after I’ve celebrated in the changing rooms, I’ll find waiting for me.
Athome.
* * *
As soon asI come out of the grounds, I run straight over to hers.
She opens the front door for me, still wearing the team jersey which hangs down to her knees, a pair of culottes poking out from underneath.
I kick the door shut, scooping her up in my arms and making her take a few steps backwards. I push my mouth against hers, my longing for her overwhelming. I try to make it to the stairs, to take her up to her bedroom, but we both fall on the third step.
“Please, tell me Evan’s not home. I don’t think I can make it upstairs this time,” I tell her, panting.
“Evan’s staying at a friend’s.” She beams, her smile reaching her ears.
And then she throws herself on top of me.
She grabs my face, then rips off my clothes, stripping away my fears, my insecurities. She strips me of all my bullshit, of everything I’ve done and said. She takes away the person I used to be in a past life: because this life, with her, is new.
I’mnew.
I’m a new Ryan O’Connor, and I’m hers.
She pulls my shirt over my head and lets her eyes run over me for a few seconds, her face flushed and her eyes brimming with desire. She goes to take off her own shirt too, but I stop her.
“Fuck no, leave it on. It looks so sexy on you.”
Christine laughs, but it’s interrupted the moment my mouth meets hers again.
“I couldn’t think of anything else when I saw you in the crowd,” I pant onto her lips.
