Nick looks at Ian. I understand that look, the one that has always bonded them and excluded me – as if I’ve always been that scared little boy that they have to keep safe.
Ian nods, and Nick looks back at me.
“Something happened at Chris’ café.”
I hadn’t even realised that my legs had given way until I felt the bench under my arse.
“She’s in hospital. I came to take you to her.”
“In hospital?” Ian asks, concerned.
“I think you should go home. Riley will have found out by now, too.”
“I’ll come too,” Jamie says, grabbing his stuff and following Ian out of the changing rooms.
“Ryan,” Nick turns to me again. “We have to go.”
“I don’t…”
“You have to prove to yourself now that you’re better than you think you are.”
* * *
We flythrough the doors of A&E, as I’m dragged along by Nick, weaving our way in between doctors and nurses rushing from one room to another. When he sees Evan sitting on a chair, he grabs my arm and nods at me to go over to him, bringing me suddenly back down to Earth. I gather my courage and approach him, my legs shaking.
“Evan…”
He lifts his head suddenly, and when he sees who I am, he jumps up, throwing his arms around my neck.
I stand there, frozen, my arms swinging by my sides as this boy squeezes me tight, needing reassurance. Something I’ve always needed, too. Something my family has always given me, and always will.
And even though I’m nobody, though I don’t mean anything to him, he needs someone to console him and tell him everything will be okay – so I’ll do it anyway.
I hug him. I hold him tight, trying to give him courage, to tell him through my body language that I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, and that he –they –can count on me.
And I realise in that moment that, actually, I need someone to hug me, too. Someone to tell me that, despite everything, it’ll all be okay.
