I jump to my feet and face him.
“Try that again.”
“I don’t think one slap is enough to get rid of all the shit you’ve got in there.”
“Can you two please try to calm down. I’m going to go and see how Riley is.”
“Oh, come on! I didn’t say anything!”
“She’s pregnant, you dick! Her hormones are all over the place,” Nick responds.
“And what would you know about pregnant women and hormones? Are you hiding something?”
“Jesus, Ryan! Grow up!”
“I can’t do this anymore! You two are…you’re…Oh, just fuck off!” Ian storms into the kitchen to join Riley, leaving me alone with Nick.
“Ryan…”
“Don’t you start. It was just a joke, okay? I didn’t think she’d take it so badly.”
“You don’t understand a fucking thing, do you?”
“What, so you always understand everything?”
“I come here a lot, I’m Riley’s friend: I know how she feels, and how your brother feels. But you only think of yourself, as always, and only try to be nice once you’ve already been a bastard, hoping that other people will just clean up your mess. Well, Ryan, you’re old enough now to clean up your own mess.”
Even Nick goes into the kitchen, leaving me standing there alone in Ian and Riley’s living room.
I take a deep breath and gather up my courage, heading into the kitchen.
Riley is intently washing up at the sink, Ian and Nick standing behind her silently.
I clear my throat and all the words pour out in one breath.
“I’m sorry.” Nick and Ian spin towards me, as Riley continues to keep her back turned. “I’m a huge, massive idiot. I didn’t want to hurt you, and I didn’t think I had. I never think about what I’m saying – things just fall out of my mouth before I’ve even realised what I’m doing, and I always end up hurting people. I’ve hurt you, and this morning… I hurt someone else. And I shouldn’t have. And…I don’t know how to make it better. I need your help, Riley, because these two dicks don’t understand a thing about women and feelings, but you… well, you’re a woman, and you’re…Ian’s girlfriend, and you’re…you’re like a…sister to me.”
Riley stops dead, lifting her gaze.
“And I love you more than I love these two idiots, and I know that you love me too, more than I deserve and…” I don’t finish my sentence, because Riley throws her arms around my neck.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble into her hair.
“It’s okay. It wasn’t you, it was these damn hormones,” she says, sighing.
I smile as she lets me go.
“So,” she says, drying her eyes. “This fuck-up…”
“God Riley, I want to knock myself out.”
“If you want, I can help you out,” Nick interjects.
“You could put some coffee on,” Riley says.
“You want coffee?”
“It’s for Ryan.”
“You wantmeto make coffee for this…”
“Yes, you should,” she interrupts. “And you, Ian,” she says, looking at him standing there with his mouth hanging open, “We had some chocolate somewhere, the one with the Oreos in. I know I asked you to hide it, but this is an emergency.”
Ian bursts out laughing before approaching us and planting a kiss on her lips, telling her: “I knew you’d ask me eventually.”
She blushes, then turns back round to make me feel like shit with the kindness of her gaze.
“Let’s go through to the living room,” she says, taking my hand. “I’m sure we can work it out. There’s always a solution, Ryan.”
And, I’m not sure why, but after her words, I start to believe that there’s still hope – that I’m not lost. That maybe there’s still a chance for me and Christine.
