He can’t bear it? What does that say about me then, if I happily work right next to it every day?
“I’ve asked Evan if he wants to come to the match tomorrow. Is that okay?”
“I guess so.”
“And I thought that…maybe…you know…I have another ticket, and he told me that none of his friends are interested.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I was wondering – if you can get a few hours off work tomorrow – maybe you wanted to…I dunno…come along too?”
“M-me?”
“Okay, I got it.” He turns to leave.
“Wait!”
“I don’t know why I asked.”
“Do you really want to…invite me?” I ask, shocked, and terrified that he’ll take it back.
He shrugs.
“I’ve never been to a match before.”
“You might like it.”
I smile a little, but inside I feel like jumping for joy.
“I’m sure I could ask Vic to cover my shift for a few hours.”
“Perfect,” he says, finally smiling himself. “I’ll give the tickets to Evan.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll let you get back to work.”
He leaves the kitchen, and the oxygen finally makes its way back into my lungs.
“You’re burning everything.” A voice behind me makes me jump out of my skin.
“What the hell are you doing back here? Were you spying on me?”
Vic lifts her hands innocently.
“I was smoking out the back.”
I narrow my eyes at her.
“It’s true!”
I shake my head and ignore her, starting to plate up the food.
“This thing…”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“How long has it been going on?”
“It hasn’t even started.”
“But he came in here, out the back, and asked you…”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Vic! It’s none of your business, okay?”
Vic looks at me for a few moments, then raises her hands again and walks off, leaving me alone with my doubt and my guilt.
Me and Vic have known each other our whole lives, and I’ve always told her everything. But I don’t want to talk to her about Ryan: I want to keep it to myself, with no one to judge me. That way, when he breaks my heart, no one can say ‘I told you so’.
This thing between me and him – and I’ll admit that it reallyissomething – has to stay private. I have no intention of bringing it out in the open: not before understanding for myself what it really is.
