What is suddenly standing in front of me is not a sixteen-year-old boy.
“Because I know it,” he continues, “And I know that, deep down, you know it too. So, you can’t let him do it.”
“Do what?”
“Control your life. Control both of our lives!”
“You think so?”
He looks at me, determined. “Yes.”
“I thought it was nice to have him around.”
“Mum,” he sits back down and takes my hand. “I’m fine. Actually, I’m great. But you…”
“I’m fine, too.”
“I like Ryan,” he says dryly.
I jump up, trying to escape the discussion.
“I really like him.”
“Evan…”
“And he likes you.”
I whip around, facing him.
“Don’t make that face. You know it, too.”
“That’s not true. Come on, Evan – he’s younger than me, unbelievably good-looking, a rugby champion. And I’m just…”
“And he likes you,” he says, standing up and approaching me. “He likes you, Mum.”
I shake my head.
“And now he thinks that Dad…”
“Honey, it’s nice that you want to see me with someone, but Ryan…he’s Ryan. It’s okay if you want to be friends, but that doesn’t mean that he and I can…”
“I don’t care about being his friend. I like him because he likes you, Mum. And I just want to see you happy with someone who isn’t Dad.”
I feel the tears start to prickle my eyelids.
Is that really what he sees? What I’ve let him think? That I’m just waiting around for his father? What kind of mum am I?
“Evan…” I try to smile at him, even though I want to burst into tears. “Maybe one day I’ll find someone, but it’s not Ryan. He’s not right for us. Do you know what I mean?”
Evan looks at me for a few moments without saying anything, then nods and turns to sit back down on the bed.
“He likes you, Mum,” he says again. And the worst thing is that my heart almost falls for it.
