I slipped my tongue inside and tangled it with his, and the moan that left him had me reaching for his arms and drawing him even closer. I wanted to touch him and feel him touching me. I reached for the back of his neck, and Benoit angled his head and let me in even deeper.
“Dimitri,” he whispered as I kissed my way up his jaw to his ear. “I missed you…missed this.”
God, so had I. It felt like forever since I’d tasted him, and even longer since I’d held him, when in reality it’d only been days.
I turned him until his back was to the piano and caged him in, pushing a leg between his as I brought my mouth back to his, not trusting myself to talk. The last thing I needed to do was open my mouth and admit that I cared.
And fuck, that was the real problem here, wasn’t it?
I’d finally found someone I could see myself opening up to, sharing myself with, only to find out he wasn’t who he’d said he was.
As that cold, stark reality slammed into me, I ripped my mouth off Benoit’s.
I stared down into his gorgeous face, memorizing his flushed cheeks, swollen lips, and dilated eyes, and wanted nothing more than to lift him onto the piano and take him.
But just like I wanted to believe him—I wasn’t there yet.
I didn’t trust him. I didn’t know that I trustedthis.
And until I did, Benoit was the most dangerous person in the world to me.
30
BENOIT
I’D LOST TRACK of the days, and apparently so had Dimitri, because Christmas had come and gone yesterday without either of us realizing.
I chose to blame him, since I didn’t even have access to a phone. It was strange to feel so untethered to the rest of the world, to be hiding away up here on his cliffside. The first couple of days it made me anxious, wondering what my brothers were doing, feeling like I was missing out.
But then I noticed the way Dimitri watched me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. Sometimes it was with a wariness that told me my actions were still at the forefront of his mind, but mostly it was with what I thought was interest. He wasn’t an easy man to read, but all the time we’d spent together had me almost as familiar with his body as my own, and that look in his eyes? Interest. Curiosity. Conflict.
If I was reading him right, Dimitri found himself wanting to get closer to me even as his mind warned him I couldn’t be trusted. And under my usual circumstances, he would be right. Icouldn’tbe trusted.
But…
What if I wanted to be?
I tried to shake off that utterly impossible thought. I didn’t get attached. It went against every fiber in my body. I’d put up that boundary two decades ago and it had served me well ever since, which was why spending so much time with Dimitri was wrecking my state of mind.
Because the thought that I could possibly care about him? Want to spend these quiet days getting even closer?
Ridiculous.
“What do you think you’re doing?” No matter what he said, Dimitri’s tone always had a brusqueness to it, a sharp edge that sounded accusatory. Though in this case, it might be.
I didn’t bother turning around as I fluffed the potted olive tree I’d dragged in from the terrace.“I didn’t know what you usually did for a Christmas tree, but since I couldn’t find a nice fir on the island, I had to make do.”
He stopped beside me, arms crossed. “I don’t.”
“You don’t what?”
“Bother with a Christmas tree.”
“Like…ever?”
He shook his head, and my jaw dropped.
“You’veneverhad a Christmas tree?” When he continued to shake his head, I said, “Never celebrated at all? What about presents?”
