“Take care of yourself, Coco,” I whisper as she gives me one last, sad look and enters the building. I wait to see her window light come up, scanning the street all the while, making sure nobody is lurking in the shadows.
The light finally turns on, and that’s my cue to leave.
This is the last time I’ve walked her home. The last time I’ve unlocked my door and found her there, dancing in my kitchen. The last dinner we’ve had together.
And the last touch.
My chest feels like a blade is slowly turning in my flesh, killing me.
I walk away. This is what I should have done on day one, the morning after she was almost kidnapped at the bar. This is for the best.
I repeat that to myself like a mantra. This is the best solution for her.
Why does it feel like the worst mistake of my life?
31
COCO
“Girl…” Gigi wraps me up in her arms. “Aw, I’m sorry. What’s wrong?”
I’m not crying, because screw that. Those men aren’t worth my tears. I’m unwell, though. My confidence is in the gutter right now.
“Tell me what happened,” she instructs and sits me down in my window seat. “It will be fine, Coco, you’ll see.”
“Will it, though?” I curl up, hugging a panda-shaped cushion to my chest. “The three alphas I want… have walked away from me.”
“Girl…”
“What is the matter with me?” I rant. “Am I covered in man repellent? Does sleeping with me convince them I’m not worth it? Damn, am I such a bad lay?”
“Don’t think like that. People are unpredictable.”
“Fickle,” I say.
“And stupid.”
“Very stupid.” I nod, pouting. “Maybe… Maybe it’s for the best,” I whisper. “Sooner or later, I’d have to confess I’m not officially an omega.”
“And what, they’d leave you for that? Are you serious?”
“They are alphas, Gigi. All three of them. All the men I’ve ever really wanted have been alphas, and once they realize I’m not what they need…”
“What they need. They’d only need you if you were an omega?” She frowns. “Wait. Has that happened before?”
I nod, wincing. “I was a teenager then. This guy at school told me as much. He was an alpha and he flirted with me relentlessly. Kept saying he’d start a pack just for me, that he’d do anything for me… until he found out through a friend that I’m not officially an omega. He spat at me, never spoke to me again. Kinda broke my teenage heart.”
“Oh, honey…”
“It made me realize that being what I think I am won’t be simple. Finding a pack, alphas who will want me anyway, won’t be easy.”
“Is it so bad being a beta?” Gigi asks. “Look at me. I got myself a pack. I’m happy.”
“It’s not that.” I swallow hard. “Not everyone gets it. It’s not bad being any designation. Being beta is just… not me.”
“You’re right. It’s not the same thing.”
“I can’t… be a beta. Everything that defines a beta doesn’t apply to me.”
