But the damage is done, damage I knew I’d cause. I knew I shouldn’t have offered her this job, shouldn’t have asked her to stay late so I could see her in the evenings, knew all of it, and yet I did it because I’m the worst goddamn selfish bastard there is.
Now she’s running from me.
I fought off a guy for her, fought off her kidnappers, but I’m the wolf hiding among the trees, lurking in the shadows. I’m the one I should have saved her from.
I’m the one she should have been wary of from the start.
27
COCO
Of course Atticus accompanies me home. He doesn’t care about me saying I don’t want him to, that I’ll be fine. I don’t want him with me, not after this debacle. I’ve made such a fool of myself.
What did you expect? I ask myself. Honestly, Coco.
Yeah, he pushed me away. I told him I slept with a man and was heartbroken. What would a man do in such a situation?
And what came over me, telling Atticus about my sadness over Ryder’s distancing?
Especially about Ryder. Imagine if I’d let slip the name, if he’d figured out it’s the same guy he almost fought with at the bar.
We walk side by side, never touching. I say goodbye when we reach my building, and he waits under my window, like every time, until I turn my lights on.
I need to move on, don’t I? From Ryder. From Atticus. I should call the girls and meet for a coffee. Haunt the gym with June, if she becomes available again, hunting for hunks.
After switching on the light and making sure Atticus has left, I sink down on my sofa and rub my face. My eyes feel gritty.
I should look for an established pack that might want me.
Or take some time away from people. Away from men. From alphas.
Just then, the intercom buzzes, and I jolt upright. Who could it be? Could it be Atticus? Maybe he changed his mind and wants to talk to me?
My hand shakes as I press the button. “Who is it?”
“It’s me, Zach.”
Zach! Shit, I totally forgot he was coming over tonight.
The truth is, for the past week, I have put off seeing him. I replied to every one of his messages saying I was busy. I told myself that I wouldn’t let Ryder’s rejection affect me, that I’d never hoped for more, but it crushed me.
I blame my strange frame of mind over these past couple of weeks, the fear, the anxiety, and my attraction to three alphas who couldn’t be more different from one another and less in need of me for forgetting.
“Will you let me in?” he asks, and there’s an edge to his voice. “Or do you only let Atticus come up anymore?”
Pressing my lips into an annoyed line, I buzz him up.
Then I proceed to open the door and wait for him with my arms folded under my boobs. “Hi.”
He hesitates, stopping a few feet away. “Are you upset with me?”
“I don’t know, Zach. You are the one who left last week as if someone was chasing you.”
“And you didn’t allow me to come back for another week.”
“Maybe I needed time to think,” I admit.
“About Atticus?”
