Dear Diary,1/17/2003
Once again, it’s been awhile since I’ve written in here. I’m not even sure that I can anymore. The past two months have been devastating, to say the least. They took Jocelyn the night after I last wrote. They stole my poor little baby right from the compound. Fallon had woken up for a feeding, and I took her on a stroll of the garden while her sister slept peacefully in the crib beside hers.
Flynn was out and was due home soon, so I thought nothing of it. We were safe there, or so I thought. Fallon loved being outside in the fresh air. Any time she would fuss, we would take her out and she’d calm almost instantly, so I figured to get her to latch, I would bring her out in the fresh air. I regret leaving Jocelyn and blame myself every day for what happened.
When I came back inside to check on her and to lay Fallon down, she was gone. I went frantic and searched everywhere, asked every butler, maid and guard if they had seen her or anyone with a baby, and no one knew anything. No one did. It was like she vanished.
When Flynn came home and found me sobbing, holding Fallon, he had the compound turned upside down, only to find… nothing. NOTHING. Not a trace or sign.
The cameras on the grounds were hacked, replaying the same footage repeatedly. I felt helpless and scared. I barely slept, never taking my eyes off of Fallon, terrified it was going to happen to her too. I took her everywhere with me and slept in her room with the doors locked until I decided we were leaving. It was the hardest decision to make, leaving the life we created without Flynn. The man I loved the most in this world, but I couldn’t stay there. I didn’t feel safe anymore.
So, one night, I left him a note, packed our bags, and left. I paid off the younger guards, who I will assume are dead by now, and made them take us to the airstrip. Flynn caught up to us before we could close the doors and begged me to come back, but I couldn’t. He was so angry with me, so angry I was taking his daughter away, but he also understood. We needed to be safe before we could return, so he made arrangements with Big John, which I was grateful for. We never found Jocelyn, and still, two months later, my heart is broken, but I feel safe now at the clubhouse.
The only people who know Fallon is alive are club members and their old ladies. I don’t ever bring her around the Crow Eaters. They aren’t women I trust. Big John has been a saint, and I’m so grateful to him. We pretend to be a happy couple and I hate it.
My heart will always belong to Flynn, but I can’t help the life John has provided for us, and in front of others, he makes me feel like a queen. I guess my heart is conflicted. Am I in love with John? No. Do I still love Flynn? Absolutely, but I can't deny there are feelings there. My mind is just fucked up. I’m not sure how to feel or what’s to come.
I guess when I figure it out I’ll write another entry. But for now, Fallon is safe. We are okay. That’s got to count for something, right?
Love always,
Tessa
Shutting the book, I take a deep breath. Jesus christ. I’m not sure how to feel about all that. My sister was stolen right from the compound. This only makes me wonder if they ever fucking found her, but if they did, wouldn’t I have known her? Wouldn’t she be a part of my life? This just brings up more questions than answers, but at least I know now how I got from Ireland to the States. Was my mom and dad's relationship a farce the whole time? Did they put on a show for everyone, including us kids? Again, so many fucking questions left unanswered.
Placing the journal down, I look at Spade, fast asleep across from me. I grab the blanket from beside me and get up to sit next to him. Laying my head on his shoulder, he rouses, wrapping an arm around me before resting his head on top of mine. I take the blanket and cover us as my eyes get heavy, letting sleep take over.
Hours later, after getting picked up from the airstrip, we arrive at the compound. Getting out of the SUV, Spade takes my hand as we walk through the wooden double doors, entering the castle-like mansion. The guards greet us and lead the way to Flynn’s room, which is odd because I’ve never been here before. We usually meet in his office or sitting room. Kane stands outside the doors, playing on his phone. He looks up and smirks.
“Well, hello, Gra. Welcome home.” He grins, and I roll my eyes as he shakes hands with my husband.
“You know, one day Jay is going to kill you for calling her that, right?” he asks, and Kane just shrugs.
“Blondie doesn’t scare me,” he says, and I laugh.
“That’s because you truly haven’t seen what he’s capable of,” I retort, and he shrugs again. “Why are we here?” I ask, and he takes a deep breath.
“Well, why don’t you go find out? We will give you a moment with the boss and I’ll show your husband to your room,” he says, and I nod. Spade places a gentle kiss on my cheek as they both walk in the other direction towards my room. I take a deep breath and open the doors to my father's room. Stepping inside, I notice it looks similar to mine except it is much bigger and looks more like a living room than a bedroom. A maid is pulling the drapes closed now that the sun has set as I walk deeper into the room, expecting him to be sitting on the couches by the fireplace, but he isn’t. Another maid comes from another room, which I assume is his actual bedroom. She sees me and frowns.
“Where’s my dad?” I ask, and she points to the door. I walk over and open it slightly, and gasp when I see him lying in bed with machines surrounding him.What the fuck?
“Dad?” I whisper, and he clears his throat.
“I’m here. Come in, child,” he says in his thick Irish accent. The closer I get, the more I realize something is seriously wrong.
“Did you get hurt? Why didn’t you call me or Kane?” I question, sitting in the chair beside his bed. The machine next to me beeps as he tries to sit up. I rise from my seat to help him, but he shoos me away.
“Don’t be stubborn. Let me help you,” I grit, and he huffs. I grab his arm and pull him gently while maneuvering the pillows behind him. “Comfortable now?” I ask, and he nods.
“Thank you, my dear. How was your flight?” he asks and I shake my head.
“We are not doing that tonight. Tell me what is going on,” I reply sternly, which makes his lip twitch almost to a smile.
“You may look like your mother, but you are strong like me. I’m so proud of you, Fallon,” he says, and I smile.
“Thanks, Dad, but still, you’re avoiding the question and I won’t stop until I get answers, so start spilling or I will threaten every person under your thumb in this castle, starting with Kane and you know damn well I will hurt that man to get what I need,” I say with a raised brow.
“Sit, I will tell you,” he orders, and I do what he says. I sit back in my seat and fold my arms over my chest, waiting for him to talk.
