“As the mother of my son, I did.” He nods. “But I was never in love with Talia. Everything between us served a bigger purpose. Abusinesspurpose.”
I’ve got so many questions, and with Roman’s vow to be completely honest, I barely know where to start.
“Does Ty know that?”
“Definitely not. I always treated Talia well, and neither one of us ever brought anyone else we were seeing to the house.”
My face must give my confusion away because Roman quickly explains. “Like I said, Talia and I were about business, and we both knew that. We were never romantically involved at all. In fact, I think I can count on one hand the number of times we slept together, and that was only when we were trying to get pregnant. So we had an arrangement, and we both saw other people.”
“Wow, it seems like that would make it kind of difficult to date.”
“Date is a strong word. At least for what I did.” Roman shakes his head, reaching for his water. “It was more about a way to get off than an emotional connection.”
I let out a sharp laugh. “I had no idea that arranged marriage existed in real life.”
“That’s right. I forget that you openly admitted all your knowledge about the Mafia came from the Godfather. I guess they omitted that part.”
“They definitely did.” I smile, pressing my lips together. “So you’ve really given up everything for this job. Your life. Your happiness.”
He chuckles. “Sounds familiar?”
In a way, it does. I’ve given up so much of myself to become a trauma surgeon that I almost don’t even know who I am without it anymore, and that’s a scary thought. What if it’s not all I’ve built it up to be once I get the shot? What if I want something different?
I’ve never even considered that before, but lately, I have. Roman and I have been playing house these last few weeks, and I’m surprised by how much I like it. And I don’t know if that’s something I can have if I make it as a trauma surgeon. Plus, from my experience, a lot of trauma surgeons are pretty shitty parents. My dad was rarely around while I was growing up. He missed games and recitals and spelling bees and holidays. And even when he was there, he was always distracted and focused on something else.
To be fair, the job takes so much time and dedication that he didn’t really have a choice if he wanted to be as successful as he is. I guess you don’t become a renowned surgeon who oversees an entire network of hospitals by being a dedicated family man.
The gravity of my relationship with Roman isn’t lost on me. Ty is the most important thing we have to consider in all of this. It’s heavy on its own, but considering the amount of loss and trauma he’s already had, it almost feels suffocating.
I don’t know if I can have both, but I don’t think I’m ready to choose.
“You okay?” Roman squeezes my hand. “It feels like you went somewhere else for a second…”
“I’m good.” I force the thought away for now, because nothing has to happen immediately. We’ve got a good thing going, and there’s no sense in ruining that for a bunch of what ifs. A smilepulls across my face. “Are you ready to head home, or do you have something else up your sleeve?”
“Oh, I have plenty left up my sleeve for tonight, but it can all happen at home.” He grabs my hand and I follow him out to the truck. We’ve been here talking for so long that we’re nearly the last car in the lot.
“You mean like the cheesecake?” I tease.
“Mmm, I have something else entirely planned for dessert.”
Good thing we’re both on the same page there.
Chapter Twenty-Six
BythetimeMondayrolls around, I’m in a state of bliss like I’ve never experienced before. This weekend felt like I was living someone else’s life, one I never believed I could have for myself.
Taking Maddie to the vineyard was only the tip of the iceberg. I woke up Saturday morning with her in my arms and we meandered down to the kitchen where she made us coffee wearing only my t-shirt. Every time she’d reach for something, that stupid hem would ride up her thigh and graze the curve of her bare ass like it was baiting me. And when she turned around with that playful look in her eye, I knew she was. After a few too many mishaps, we ended up right back upstairs, picking up where we left off the night before.
She came with me to get Ty from Joe and Sarah’s and, somehow, I let the two of them convince me to spend the afternoon at the zoo. Ty was on top of the world, spouting off every fact he knew about the animals, and Maddie listened like she was hearing it all for the very first time. By the time weleft, he was so exhausted that not even the cotton candy sugar rush could keep him awake on the way home. We spent the evening making pizzas from scratch and relaxing on the couch while watching the newDespicable Memovie. The day was like something conjured straight from Ty’s dreams, but oddly enough, it felt like a dream of mine, too.
When Talia was alive, we spent a lot of time together as a family, but it always felt performative. It was all to provide Ty with as normal a childhood as we could. It’s completely different with Maddie, though. It doesn’t feel forced or like a part I’m playing. It feels natural.
Sunday was just as great. We had a lazy day just hanging out around the house and getting Ty ready to go back to school full time. It’s been several weeks since the shooting, and he needed the time to recover as much as I needed it to feel comfortable sending him. I don’t like the idea of him being too far away until I have all of this resolved, but we’ve got a solid plan and I know he needs it. As much as he claims he’s content being home with us, he misses his friends.
Plus, I feel like we’re on the right track with the Chavos member we’ve been working on and I‘m confident he’ll give me the shot caller soon.
Monday morning meant back to reality for all of us—Ty to school, Maddie to the hospital, and me knocking a man’s teeth out one by one until he spills his secrets. None of us were all that excited.
