A new wardrobe is one of my ideas. Specifically, the new Jordans he’s been asking about. It’s extravagant for a six-year-old, but these are kind of extenuating circumstances.
“Sure. That sounds fun,” he says quietly.
“Good. How about some breakfast first? Cereal? Toast?”
“Maddie’s been making me pancakes.”
“Every day?”
Ty nods. Well, damn. How can I compete with that?
“Tell you what, I’ll get Maddie’s recipe and learn how to make them, but how about Lucky Charms for today?”
He grins enthusiastically as I pour him a bowl. He wastes no time diving into it.
Once he finishes and we’re ready to go, Ty and I head to the mall. We haven’t been out since the shooting, and truthfully, one of the first times we’ve done anything like this since Talia died. I’ve tried to be the father he needs, but juggling so much has proven difficult. I’ve been so focused on the logistics and making sure we survive, that I’ve kind of overlooked the fact that what Ty needs most of all is my time. But with the way he is enjoying himself today, I know I need to make it more of a priority.
After we get a few outfits and secure the coveted pair of shoes, we head home. In the backseat, Ty’s non-stop chatter about the game he’s been playing with Joe fills the car as we’re stopped at the light. When I look out the window, I see the glass towers of the hospital just a few blocks west of where we’re at and my mind immediately travels to Maddie. The thought of her inside those walls somewhere causes my mind to drift. I picture her in her scrubs, wondering if she’s thinking about me, still sore from last night.
Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me? I’ve never lusted over anyone like this before.
“Hey!” Ty calls from the back. “That’s where Maddie works.”
“It is.” I nod.
“Can we take her lunch on our way home?”
His suggestion makes my stomach drop. I haven’t set foot in that hospital since Talia died, and even though I could definitely go for seeing Maddie, I don’t know if I can.
“Uh, I don’t know if that will work today, buddy. We’re running late getting home anyway and…”
“Please, Dad,” he begs, the excitement in his voice cutting me. “Please!”
Jesus, he’s a tough kid to resist.
“Sure,” I agree before I really even know what I’m doing. My pulse skyrockets as I turn toward the hospital. It’s so loud I can hear it in my ears, almost like I’m about to have a panic attack.
“Yeah! Let’s get her sushi. Shelovessushi.”
“Is that what she said?” I tap my thumb on the steering wheel, taking a few slow breaths to calm myself down.I can do this. It’s just a building.
Ty nods. “She likes sushi and something called calamari that is like little teeny octopuses. Can you believe it, Dad? She eats octopus!! She told me one time she even caught one and ate it! Blehhh!”
“Disgusting.” I laugh at the way his nose scrunches up in the rearview mirror, and don’t bother to get into the difference between an octopus and a squid with him. The mistake makes it even more adorable. “You really like to spend time with her, don’t you?”
“She’s really fun, and really smart,” Ty adds, playing with one of the Lego sets we picked up. He couldn’t even wait until we got home to tear into it. “Like really, really smart. Don’t make her leave like my other nannies, okay, Dad?”
He catches me totally off guard and I burst out laughing. “Why would you say that?”
“Because they all start to like you, and then they have to leave.” He narrows his eyes at me like that’s my fault. We have gone through a string of less than stellar babysitters, and his assumption isn’t that far off, so Talia had sent them all packing.
“I’ll do my best,” I assured him. “But Maddie isn’t your nanny, she’s like...a friend.”
“She’s a doctor, Dad. Asurgeon.” Ty doesn’t find this nearly as funny as I do, so I bite back my laughter.
“You’re right. But she’s still our friend, right?”
“Like a girlfriend?” He eyes me carefully.
