I was terrified at the thought of going out in public with Riley. Not because I was scared he would harm me, but because I didn’t do crowds. I didn’t do people. The last crowd I was in was our high school graduation. I had needed a specially prescribed Xanax from the psychiatrist my social worker had made me see after my parents’ accident. Aside from the day of my parents’ funeral, it had been the only other time I had taken one.
The thought of going out made me wish I still had the prescription. I needed to do this for Riley, though. He said he needed to send the message to his old crowd that he was unavailable. Part of me still questioned his motives, but he and I were friends now. I would help him, even if it made my heart explode from nerves.
“Sure,” I finally caved.
“Really?” he asked, not sure he heard me correctly.
“Yes,” I said as I nodded and smiled.
“Although, I have to warn you, I don’t do crowds. They make me nervous, and I don’t like the attention. So I’m not sure how well this will go.”
“Yes, I get to show you off,” he said excitedly. “Don’t worry about the nerves. I will be there, and I won’t let anything happen to you,” he promised.
“I’m more worried about thoughts than actions,” I explained. I wasn’t able to put adequate words to my fears.
“How long do we need to fake date?” I asked quickly to distract from my inadequate confession.
“Why, getting sick of me already?” he asked.
“Something like that,” I teased.
I wasn’t really. I just wanted to prepare myself. I wanted to know how long I’d be expected to put myself out on a limb here and how long I had to savor this feeling before it would be ripped away. I craved that knowledge to help me survive this.
I needed to fend off any feelings that wanted to take residence where they were not welcome. Riley still had the power to hurt me. He could revert back to his old ways or make me fall in love and then break my heart. I wasn’t sure which was worse.
“Why don’t we worry about that at another time?” he asked, steering the conversation away from a heavy discussion.
It was smart on his part, but my head had warning bells. We should have put an expiration date on this from the start. What if he planned on dragging this out for months or years? I couldn’t waste my time like that. I couldn’t put my heart through that kind of suffering. If we kept this up longer than a few weeks, my heart would want the real thing.
“Where are we going?” I asked, letting him win for now.
“To a club.”
Great, my anxiety would really enjoy that. My heart would jackhammer away like the beat to a heavy techno song.
“Really, our first fake date and you are going to take me to a club?” I asked.
“Yes, my crowd will be there, and it will send a message. Also, I have been dying to see how you dance under colorful lights in a crowd full of sweaty bodies.”
The heat that filled his gaze went straight to my toes. I felt hot, and I was sure I was blushing. My body would go haywire from that kind of pressure.
“Not everyone needs to know. It only matters what your father thinks. Also don’t you think Marly would have made the whole state of Georgia aware by now?”
“Emma, my father has friends everywhere. When I mess up, he uses his connections to force me to leave and head home. We need to be convincing here; I want the spies to share it with Father. That way there’s no question about our status.”
“Aren’t you worried your father might not like you dating an employee? Also, did you discuss my raise?”
I had almost forgotten about that raise. I would surely need it for the kind of duress he was putting me through by taking me to a club.
“I asked for ten an hour, and he negotiated it to seven, with the title of barn manager. Also, I don’t think the raise conversation would have gone as well as it did if he didn’t approve of you. Doesn’t that send a loud message that something is going on, if me of all people is asking on your behalf?”
“It could, but when it comes to my employment, I can’t be too careful. Also, thanks, I can certainly work with seven extra an hour, and the promotion,” I said sweetly.
“Emma, let me worry about my father. You just worry about what kind of PDA we will show in the club. We need to be convincing,” he said and then winked at me.
My heart jackknifed right into a rib. I didn’t even think of PDA. I would have to kiss Riley. It had happened once before, but it was a dare at a high school party, one I attended before my parents’ accident. It didn’t count, not like this would.
“You like to blur the lines, don’t you?” I asked, feeling breathless. My anxiety was through the roof, thinking about what I may have to do with Riley in public.
