Riley remained behind to bother me with his presence. If only I could push his head under water and hold it there without giving him the attention he so desperately wanted from me. I could see him in my head, smiling underwater at my acknowledgement of his presence as I drowned him.
“Emma,” he said softly. I ignored him, not reacting to the way he said my name.
If I wasn’t mad, it might have given me butterflies.
He grabbed the edge of my inner tube and pulled it toward him. He was standing in the waist-deep water. I kept my eyes closed to keep from staring at his lean, muscular body. To keep from seeing the steel blue eyes I knew so well asking me for forgiveness. I didn’t want it, any of it. I needed to protect my heart, the one he kept hurting.
“Emma, I’m sorry. You told me to leave you alone, and I will, but I owe you an apology and an explanation first. I figured the only way I could do that is in front of others. You seem inclined to ignore me and walk away otherwise.”
I remained silent, mildly curious as to what he would say. There wasn’t much he could say that would make me move past this, but I’d humor him. My head still wanted to hear his lies, use them as fuel to build up my walls. My heart, on the other hand, wanted him to admit he regretted what he had done to it.Shut up, heart.
“What I did was wrong on so many levels. I do want to change, but my father, he gets under my skin. Everyone on his staff reports what I do to him. I saw him talking to you, and I assumed that he was having you spy on me, too. I thought the worst of the most honest person I have ever known. I should have asked you. You would have told me straight up, but I didn’t. I’m sorry I thought the worst of you, when you were helping me, when you didn’t have to. I get that I’m not your problem. I’m not even your friend. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I then went out and did the very exact thing I knew would hurt you the most. I relapsed, on purpose in spite of you, in spite of him. Then I drove home drunk, knowing what happened to my uncle and your parents.”
I was fighting back tears behind my sunglasses. The beer in my mouth turned sour at his admission. I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t want him to follow me around all day every day. I didn’t want him pulling me into his family drama. I didn’t want to be talking to him or getting hurt by him. Yet he never cared what I wanted. No one had cared what I wanted since my parents had been gone.
“Thank you for not saying anything to my father about my relapse. You were well within your rights, but you didn’t. That means something to me. It proves your words from the other day. I understand that you don’t want to talk to me. I understand you don’t want me around, but I am going to keep working, because I am going to prove to myself and to my father that I can do this. I can be a good man despite not having a good example growing up. I’m sorry I hurt you. That is not something a good man does.”
I opened my eyes to watch him squirm as he delivered the apology.
“I will become a good man,” he said out loud, as if announcing it would set those words in stone.
I wasn’t ready to forgive him. I wasn’t ready to let go of the hurt. This emotion was easier to handle than anything else I could feel for Riley Reys. None of this was easy for an introvert. I could also feel the eyes of Melanie, hey boyfriend, and his friends. The attention made me want to squirm.
While I was angry, I still wanted to see Riley succeed. I didn’t want his farm. I was not the person he accused me of. So I said, “Prove it.”
A corner of his mouth pulled up into a small smile at the first words I spoke to him in over a week.
“I will.”
Twelve
Riley
Man, I screwed the pooch this time. I really did. Despite everything I had said and done to Emma, she had been willing to help me. Then I overreacted and let my distrust of women and my father get in my way.
It felt like I had stabbed myself in the heart, and I felt so guilty.
I followed her around like a lost puppy. I did my barn chores; I led the horses in. I did it all without speaking to Emma, at least respecting part of the last words she said to me. I couldn't stay away from her, not when I had so much to lose. I needed my mentor. I also could use a friend, a real friend. I had hoped Emma could be that, but I screwed up.
Despite the years I spent bashing her, I saw glimpses of Emma I had tried to suppress. They were glimpses that would make me feel things, and I’d have the urge to change. Then my mind would take over and I would tell myself things were better without her. But those were glimpses, and I didn’t understand her, not really.
Now I saw the quiet girl who wanted to spend time with the horses because they couldn’t hurt her the way people—the way I did. She might not be a man, but she was a good person, and I would learn how to be one from her. Once she stopped being mad at me, once I could convince her to forgive me, I would make the last fifteen years up to her. I was prepared to kiss her ass every day for the next fifteen years.
Hopefully, my dumbass would learn something useful in that long amount of time.
She sat in her inner tube staring at me behind her Ray Bans as I apologized. I would never tell her this while she was so pissed, but her scowl was adorable. After I apologized as profusely and sincerely as I could, Emma had said, “Prove it.”
My heart surged. They were the first words she had spoken to me in a week and two days, and they were everything I needed. They were the challenge I craved and the inspiration I needed. Emma wouldn’t tell me to prove everyone wrong if she didn’t think I had a chance. She would have taken that opportunity to rub my face in it, like I did to her for so many years.
I nodded. I would prove it.
After that, Melanie announced that the food was done. I started walking out of the water, but Emma stayed right where she was at. Mel asked if she was coming, and Emma shook her head. She reclined back against the inner tube and unclenched her body for the first time since I showed up.
I grabbed two plates and loaded them up with hotdogs, fresh-cut fruit, chips, and cookies. I walked toward the water with the plates, entering slowly to prevent falling and making the food extra soggy. I waited for Emma to notice my presence before I lowered a plate to her. She stared at it for a moment.
“You don’t have to take it, but I remember what you told Mel. You occasionally eat. Lord only knows that I am not qualified to lecture you on taking care of yourself, but you should. Those horses don’t have anyone to care for them as much as you do.”
She studied my face for a moment, looking for any insincerity, I was sure. She looked like she was going to make a comment and then closed her mouth and changed her mind.
