“I won’t.” I looked at the clock icon on my computer. “Can I play hooky today?”
He chuckled and waved me off. “Go get your girl.”
That was exactly my plan.
I heardthe garage door go up, and my gut tightened. I hadn’t been this nervous since I’d taken Cynthia Shepard out on my first date in the ninth grade. I glanced towards the dining table. I’d done my best, picking up some flowers from a local florist, and candles, too. It wasn’t expertly put together, but I’d done my best.
Two filets were warming in the oven, along with some mashed potatoes. A Caesar salad chilled in the fridge. And a Chateauneuf-du-Pape from one of my favorite wineries sat on the table.
Anna’s movements slowed as she crossed the space, taking in the low light and soft music. “What’s going on?”
“We need to talk.”
She sighed, letting her eyes fall closed for a moment. “I don’t have it in me, Mason. It’s been a long day, I’m exhausted—”
“Then let me feed you. Just give me five minutes to say what I need to. If you want me to shut up after that, I promise I will. Not a word for the rest of the night.”
“Not one?”
I mimed zipping my lips and throwing away a key.
Her mouth twitched as if she wanted to smile but then tightened into a thin line. “Okay.”
I gestured to the dining table. “Sit. I’ll get everything.”
Anna didn’t argue, as if she were grateful for a little distance to breathe. I hurried to get everything ready. I brought out the salad and mashed potatoes. Then topped our plates with the steak, the peppercorn sauce already on the table.
Anna looked down at the plate I set in front of her. “You didn’t have to go to all of this trouble just to talk to me for five minutes.”
I eased into the chair at the head of the table so we were next to each other. “I should’ve been going to all of this trouble from the moment I kissed you. I should’ve made sure you knew how much you mean to me.”
“Mason—”
“I messed up. I knew you’d be mad, but I didn’t see how much it would hurt you.” I didn’t look away, praying she could see the honesty in my gaze, hear it in my words. “I was too wrapped up in preparing for every awful thing that could happen. And you were right, I wanted to know things you weren’t ready to share. Because I want to know everything about you and because I want to keep you safe.”
“You have to give me time. And I may never share every single detail of my past with you.”
“I know. I shouldn’t have gone behind your back.” I wanted to take her hand so badly. To brush my mouth against hers. But I resisted. “I was wrong. But that mistake didn’t come from wanting to hurt you. I care about you, Anna.”
“I love you,” was on the tip of my tongue. “I’m going to mess up. But I will try not to make the same mistake twice. I’ll try to learn and do better. To hear what you need.”
Tears glistened in the corners of her eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
Her words were a sledgehammer to my chest. “Why?”
“It’s not just that it’s hard for me to trust. I was irrationally angry simply because you didn’t call me back. That’s not fair. But my head reads it all as a rejection. Abandonment. Which is messed up, Mason. I’m messed up. My brain doesn’t process things the way a normal person’s would. Yes, I was furious when I found out that you called Dante behind my back, but I already had one foot out the door.”
I took her hand then, tangling our fingers. It felt so good just to have that skin-to-skin contact with her again. “We just have to deal with it together. Neither of us is going to be perfect. We have our traumas and wounds. But the more we talk it out, the more we’ll understand where the other is coming from.”
Anna’s hand gripped mine harder. “The accident.”
“I’m always going to be someone who looks for danger. Who wants to mitigate it as much as possible. I might go overboard sometimes, but I’ll always try to reel myself back in. I hate that I hurt you. I’m so damn sorry.”
She stared at me, barely blinking. “You can’t go behind my back again. Promise me. It hurts too much.”
“I promise.” God, I’d do anything if it meant I never had to see the look of betrayal in her eyes again.
She looked down at our joined hands. “I want to try. Really try. But I’m probably going to be awful at a real relationship. I’ll drive you up the wall, and you’ll want to get rid of me.”
