“I know.” My voice was muffled against her shoulder.
Kennedy rubbed my back. “He’s the biggest moron who ever moroned.”
I let out a small laugh.
Taylor released her hold on me. “He’s going to realize that he made a big mistake.”
I grabbed a napkin from one of the tables and wiped under my eyes. “I’m not so sure about that.” I stared out the window to the empty street. “And even if he does, I think it’s too late.”
Taylor worried her bottom lip. “I fucked up. I almost ruined the best thing that ever happened to me. But Walker forgave me. And look at us now.” Her new engagement ring caught the light as she talked.
I sighed. “You and Walker are different. You had just lost your mom. You were grieving and scared.”
Taylor reached out and took my hand. “I was scared. So, I know what it looks like. And that man out there…” She gestured to where Tuck had stood on the sidewalk. “He’s terrified.”
My insides seemed to twist themselves into complicated knots. I’d seen hints of fear as Tuck and I had gotten closer, but I had no clue what they were about. And I wasn’t sure that it really mattered at the end of the day. “If that’s the case, then he needs to grow a pair and tell me he’s scared. We could work through it together. But I can’t do this alone. And, more importantly, I won’t try. I’ve done it before, and I don’t like the woman it made me into.”
Memories assaulted me. Calling Cody over and over. Endless internet searches trying to find his new number. Hoping against hope that he’d somehow show up at the hospital when I went into labor. That he’d hear that I’d had Noah and suddenly realize he wanted to be a father. I wasn’t ever going to put myself through that again.
Taylor squeezed my hand. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Just keep an open mind as things unfold. I have a feeling growing up around his parents’ relationship may have colored things for him.”
Taylor had a point about that. I blew out a breath. I needed some space. Time alone to think things through. I turned back to the girls. “Taylor, I have a favor.”
“Name it.”
I glanced at the time on my phone. “Could you pick Noah up from karate at three?”
Little worry lines appeared on her forehead. “Of course. You’re not planning to bash in Tuck’s truck and get arrested, are you?”
Her question brought a small smile to my lips. “No. I just need some time alone. To sort everything through. Get myself together.”
The worry lines on Taylor’s face didn’t fade. “You’ll be safe?”
“I’m just going to the ranch. Spend some time with Phoenix and the rest of my girls.”
Taylor smiled. “Sounds like a great plan. I’ll grab Noah at three. Walker’s off duty around then, so we can all go for ice cream or something. You can pick him up at our place when you’re done. No rush.”
I gave her a quick hug. “Thanks. I have my phone if you need anything.”
I headed out the door. I’d let myself fall apart for a little while, and then I’d never cry another tear over Tucker Harris again.
41
Tuck
“Fuck!”I slammed the front door of my house and plunged my fist into my newly plastered but still not repainted entryway wall. I pulled my arm out, drywall dust flying everywhere. I didn’t care about any of it. Not the new hole in my wall. Not the mess on the floor. Not the blood dripping down my hand.
None of it.
Jensen wouldn’t be showing up to make sure I was okay. She wouldn’t insist on pulling out the first-aid kit to doctor my cuts. She wouldn’t make me a homemade ice pack. And I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to distract myself from the shitstorm that was my life by losing myself in her body.
And there was only one person to blame for that. Me. I’d ruined everything, just like my dad had said I would. But it was for the best. Like crash-landing your plane into a field instead of risking plowing into a building full of people. Everything would be so much worse if I fucked things up farther down the line. Jensen depending on me, Noah more attached.
I’d been right to pull the plug now. I was saving Jensen from myself. Eventually, she’d see that. Someday, we’d find our way back to friendship. She’d meet someone worthy of her, and it would tear at my insides, but I would be happy for her.
I walked into the kitchen and pulled a bottle of vodka from the freezer. I headed over to the sink and rinsed off my hand. I uncorked the vodka bottle with my teeth and hissed when the liquid hit my torn knuckles.
I set the bottle down on the counter and let my hand drip into the sink. I stared straight ahead, out the window and into the postage-stamp-sized backyard that I hated. This was my life now.
