She gave me the patented, assessingSarah Colestare. The same look she’d been giving me for months. “Why don’t you let me cover the full shift tomorrow? You can take a day off.”
“I don’t need a day off.” My words came out more harshly than I’d intended. I grimaced as hurt filled my mom’s eyes. I gentled my tone. “There’s too much I need to get done around here. You’re already helping enough by covering these two hours so I can go take care of the horses.” I had enough guilt for how much my family stepped in to handle my responsibilities. I didn’t need any more.
“I wish you’d let your father delegate one of the hands to help you with all of that.”
I pushed down the instinct to snap at her again. “I don’t need the help. I like doing it.” Aside from my son, my rescued mustangs were the brightest part of my day. And I wasn’t giving that up for anyone.
My mom rounded the counter, brushing back strands of hair that had escaped my ponytail over the course of the day. “I know you like being with your herd, but you have to stop taking everything on yourself. You look dead on your feet.”
“Why does everyone feel the need to tell me I look like shit lately?” I couldn’t hold in the snap of my words this time.
My mom gave a little jolt. “Jensen.” The single word was half chastisement, half concern.
My shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been sleeping very well, and it’s got my fuse a bit shorter than usual.”
My mother’s eyes narrowed in an even more careful study of my face. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in here.” She tapped the side of my head. “And, more importantly, in here.” She placed her palm on my chest over my heart.
My mouth opened. I wanted to tell her. I craved dissolving into tears, laying all my burdens at her feet, and letting her tell me it would all be okay. My mouth snapped closed. I couldn’t. It was time I shouldered more of my own load. Stood on my own two feet.
My mom’s face fell. She pulled me to her, wrapping her arms tightly around me. “I know this whole thing with Bryce is killing you. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”
A burning sensation scorched the back of my throat, but I fought the tears and nodded against her shoulder. “I love you.”
“More than words, baby girl. More than words.”
I letmyself crumple to the ground, leaning against the boulder. Work was done. The horses were fed. I had an hour before I had to be home to make dinner for Noah. This was my time to fall apart. To let out all that I’d held in for the other twenty-three hours of the day.
The tears that came were hot. Full of frustration and exhaustion, not sorrow. Sorrow was never part of the equation. What I’d lost had never been real to begin with. What those around me had almost lost was so much more. I’d have given anything to protect them from the destruction my careless decisions had nearly caused, but I couldn’t. It was too late. Now, all I could do was move forward, carrying more of my own weight.
A warm muzzle nuzzled the top of my head. I tilted my face to meet the horse’s dark, probing gaze. “Hey there, Phoenix. You not hungry?”
The mare huffed and pressed her face against mine. This trust and intimacy had taken a long time to build. Of all the wild mustangs I’d rescued from auctions and holding pens, Phoenix had been the most damaged.
I rubbed my hands along her neck and down her side, my fingers lingering on a scar there. She’d been taken down by either a stray bullet or a careless hunter. Someone who hadn’t stuck around long enough to find out who he’d almost killed.
But God or the Universe had been looking out for Phoenix that day because Tuck had heard the shot and had gone to investigate. He’d saved her life. The recovery had been long, and there was no way Phoenix could’ve been released into the wild afterwards. So, she’d found a home with me.
I’d taken a portion of the land my parents had gifted me and created a safe haven for mustangs who had been ripped from their homes for one reason or another. Sometimes, the cause was humane, they were injured or ill. Sometimes, it was sheer greed, the desire for more land for cattle to graze. Regardless of the why, I gave them a safe place to rest. And the horses gave me somewhere to be totally myself.
I patted Phoenix’s shoulder. “I’ll be okay. I promise. I’m getting stronger every day.” The mare blew air out between her lips as if to say “bullshit.” Okay, maybe I wasn’t stronger yet, but I’d get there eventually. I had to, right?
4
Tuck
“Hey, Mom, you here?”My voice echoed off the high-beamed ceiling of the massive ranch house. It had been upgraded and expanded over the generations but still held so much history. And you couldn’t beat the view. The panoramic windows that filled the entirety of the back of the house displayed rolling pastures, dark green forests, craggy mountains, and even a glimpse of the lake our town had been named for.
Heat filled my gut, along with frustration that I couldn’t come here more often. And a good dose of anger that someone had stolen the magic of my family home. I turned at the sound of approaching footsteps.
“Tuck, I didn’t know you were coming by.” My mother smoothed back her blond hair that had begun to show threads of silver running through it. She looked exhausted. My father’s nights out weren’t exactly rare, but even with his excuses of staying the night in town so he wouldn’t have to drive, they still took a toll on my mom.
I worked my jaw back and forth, trying to keep the frustration off my face. “How are you?”
She reached up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. “I’m good, honey, busy as ever. Why don’t you come on into the kitchen and have some of the cookies I just pulled out of the oven?”
I patted my stomach. “That sounds perfect.”
My mom led the way through the open-plan living space that poured into a bright and airy kitchen. “You don’t have work today?”
