Why did “have a good night” feel like she actually meant, “stay the hell away?”
5
Tessa
“Shit.” I couldn’t help the uttered curse as the cookie hit the floor. I had been fumbling and bumbling all morning, my run-in with Liam last night playing over and over in my head. I wasn’t used to attention, especially of the male variety.
In fact, I did everything I could think of to avoid it. I wore no makeup. I bought clothes that were a size too big so nothing clung to my curves. I avoided eye contact at all costs. But there Liam had come, literally slamming into my life.
I picked the ruined cookie off the floor and tossed it into the trash. I was making a big deal out of nothing. Liam was simply a nice guy. He felt bad for knocking into me. And I’m sure my over-the-top reaction to the encounter had made him feel even worse. Guilt churned in my gut. I hadn’t made him feel any better with my response last night.
Shit.But there was something about Liam. He seemed to study me in a way that saw too much and connected dots I didn’t want anyone to connect.
I pushed down worries of someone discovering my past. Not just the fear of someone knowing who I was, but the fear of the shame that would come with it. Shame for putting up with how Garrett had treated me for so long. Shame for not trying to get out while I still could. Shame for wanting nothing more than for him to love me—foranyoneto love me.
I leaned back against the counter, hot tears pricking at my eyes. I wasn’t that naïve, desperate girl anymore. I was strong. I had fought back in the only way I could. I’d run. I was making my way on my own. I wasn’t Valerie anymore. I was Tessa.
Tessa. My mother’s middle name. I had hoped that by claiming it as my own, I would also claim some of her strength. Even though she’d barely turned twenty, she had stood up to her conservative parents, refusing to abort me or give me up for adoption. They’d cut all ties with her and, in turn, with me. Not even after she’d died in childbirth did they reconsider. So, into the foster system I’d gone.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to summon some of that strength I knew had to run through my veins, a gift she’d given me, even if she wasn’t here to see it. I let out the air and opened my eyes again. I felt calmer, more centered.
I returned to the task in front of me. Slowly and carefully, I transferred the remaining sugar cookies from the baking sheet to the cooling rack. No more mishaps.
Jensen’s voice rang out as she moved towards the kitchen. “Hey, Tessa. Can you man the register for a few while I meet with this supplier?”
I tightened my grip on the spatula in my hand. Manning the register was not one of my favorite parts of the job. Jensen knew this. I never said anything, but within a few months of me working here, she’d offered for my duties to be focused in the kitchen. I remembered the wave of relief I’d felt when she asked if I’d prefer that. I’d gotten better, though. The fear of Garrett walking through the doors lessened with each day.
Jensen gave my arm a gentle squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right there.” She pointed to the table that sat just to the side of the front door and in full view of the register.
I licked my lips. “No problem.” It wasn’t a total lie. And Jensen had been beyond accommodating with my neuroses.
She gave my arm another gentle squeeze. “Thanks, you’re the best.”
I wiped my hands on a towel and followed her out into the main room. Jensen took a seat across from a middle-aged gentleman with a computer and got to work discussing orders. The place was fairly quiet. We had passed the pre-work rush and were now in the mid-morning lull. A young mother sat at one table, sipping her tea while cooing at the baby in a car seat resting on the chair next to her. A guy who looked to be college-aged was bent over a textbook, highlighting furiously.
A small smile pulled at my lips. I loved this town. This shop. This life I was building. It was quiet, peaceful. Mine.
My gaze caught on two figures in the window. It took me a second to recognize Taylor and Walker. He had her wrapped in his arms, his lips pressed to her forehead. When Walker pulled back, Taylor stretched up on her tiptoes and brushed her mouth against his. Walker looked down at her with nothing less than devotion filling his expression.
A sharp pang pierced my chest. How long had it been since someone had held me? Touched me with love and affection that wasn’t followed by a fist? A foreign longing swept through me, fierce and strong. Keeping the world at arm’s length had meant I’d escaped any possibility of a fist, but I was missing out on the chance for comfort and connection, too.
Lonely is better than dead.I repeated the mantra over and over in my head as I squeezed my eyes closed.
The bell over the door sounded, and my eyes flew open to see Taylor walking in. “Hey,” I greeted, my voice just slightly rough.
She waved at Jensen but kept walking towards me. “Hey, girl. How are you?”
The smile on Taylor’s face was one of true happiness. I loved seeing the light that now shone in her eyes. Eyes that used to be so dull with grief were now so freaking bright. That phantom pressure in my chest flared.
I shook my head, coming back to the present moment. “I’m good. How about you?”
“I’m doing great. Just got word that I got my teaching accreditation in Oregon. I’ll be able to start teaching in the fall. Now, I just need to find a job.”
“That’s great news. I’m sure the Sutter Lake schools will be happy to have you.”
Taylor let out a light laugh. “Let’s hope so because I’m so ready to get back to it.”
“They will.” I glanced at the bakery case. “So, what’ll it be today?”
