My ribs tightened around my lungs, making it hard to take a full breath.
“I wanted more than anything for you toheal. To let someone into your life who could lighten your load. Sutton’s that. A true partner,” Mom whispered.
“She is,” I croaked. “She made me start to see some hard truths.”
My mom looked up at me, questions swimming in her eyes.
Hell.I didn’t want to go there. Not today. Not with so many good things swirling around us. But some part of me knew that if I didn’t say the words now, I never would.
“It was my fault. Or I thought it was,” I began, my voice sounding foreign to my ears.
Mom’s green eyes flared. “Copeland?—”
I shook my head, cutting her off. “Let me say this, or I never will.”
Her mouth snapped closed as pain swept across her face.
“It was my game. Jacob and Fallon didn’t even want to go, but Dad talked them into it like he always did. Bribing Fal with candy and Jacob with a weekend off ranch duties.”
I took a deep breath before continuing, trying to steady myself. I wished Sutton were here, that her hand was in mine. But just as I wished it, I could feel her. That buzz of energy that swirled through me, a steady acceptance. It didn’t matter if she was across the yard or a million miles away. She was always with me.
I held on to her as I spoke. “We were late getting on the road—I was messing around with friends in the locker room. And when we were driving, Fal and I got into it. I started it. Needling her. Telling her I was going to get Jacob’s room when he left for school.”
In reality, no one would. None of us wanted to touch it after he was gone. “Dad told us to quit it. He glanced back for just a second to give us the dad stare. But it was a second too long. Jacob tried to warn him about the deer. He swerved. But it was all just too late.”
Mom’s grip on my waist fell away, and for a second, I thought she’d leave, that all my fears were founded. But then she threw her arms around me. “My beautiful boy. You’ve been carrying so much pain.” She hugged me tighter. “It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. Something no one could’ve prevented.”
“I distracted him,” I croaked.
“You were a kid bickering with his sister. How many fights have I broken up over the years?”
“Too many to count,” I mumbled into her shoulder.
Mom released me but kept a hold of my arms. “That’s right. Because that’s life. Fighting and making up. Loving the people around you and wanting to wring their necks at the same time. That doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you human.”
She shook her head, her eyes glistening. “I hate that you’ve been carrying this alone.”
“I’m not carrying it alone anymore,” I whispered.
A single tear spilled down my mom’s cheek. “I’m going to hug the hell out of that Sutton.”
I chuckled. “She’ll like that.”
“Are you going to ask her to marry you?” Mom asked, a different sort of gleam in her eyes now.
“Mom,” I chastised.
She laughed, letting me go. “It’s my job to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong.”
“I’m going to marry her.” There was no doubt in my words, no uncertainty. I knew what I wanted my future to be. And that was Sutton and Luca. To make them feel safe and loved. To give them the family they deserved.
A laugh bubbled out of my mom. “No asking?”
I grinned at her. “I know it’s meant to be. Thatweare. Just like I know we’re all going to give Sutton and Luca the family they always should’ve had. We’re going to show them the acceptance you’re so good at giving all of us. We’re going to give them a love that never ends, no matter what.”
“Cope,” Mom said, her voice breaking on my name.
I brushed a tear away from her cheek. “I love you. Thank you for loving me even when I’m not perfect.”
