No, the boys were already there. How they’d all reacted today was proof of that. Vicious claws dug into my chest as panic set in. My boys were attached, and no matter which way I moved, I could screw this to hell, making them lose her.Icould lose her.
“Why do you look like I just said you have a month to live?”
“It’s complicated,” I muttered.
Nash pushed to his feet and got in my face. “Law, it’s me. I know exactly how complicated this kind of thing can be. How terrifying. But be honest. With yourself, at least.”
Blood roared in my ears. “I care about her. So much it scares the hell out of me.”
A shit-eating grin spread across Nash’s face.
I gave him a shove. “Don’t be an asshole.”
Nash didn’t care at all. “It’s about damn time, brother.”
“It’s not time for anything. She’s thirteen years younger than me. She’s myemployee. There are a million reasons I shouldn’t go there.” But I couldn’t stop touching her, wanting to be close enough to bask in her light.
“She feels safe with you,” Nash said, the humor leaving his expression. “For someone who has been through what she has? Nothing says more about what she feels for you.”
That twisting sensation was back, low in my gut. “I made so many mistakes before.”
Nash’s expression darkened. “Youdidn’t make mistakes. Melody did.”
“I made the mistake of trusting my kids with her.”
“She was theirmother.” Nash stilled. “Are you scared to trust Hallie with them?”
“No.” The answer came quickly and with complete certainty. Something that should’ve surprised the hell out of me. “She’d do anything for them. They love her. I just—” I couldn’t find the words for the sick feeling that lived in my gut.
“You don’t think you deserve it.”
My gaze jerked to Nash’s.
“You think because you believed Melody’s lies that you need to pay some sort of ultimate price and never be happy again. That’s bullshit, Law. You’ve been taking care of everyone your whole life. It’s okay to reach for some happiness.”
My mind whirled. Was that what I was doing? Punishing myself for my past mistakes?
“I—” My ringtone cut off whatever I was going to say, and I pulled my phone out of my pocket.
“Hey, Roan.”
He didn’t waste any time on polite greetings. “One of our officers found a body.”
* * *
The parking lotof the trailhead was already packed with vehicles. As Nash and I slid out of my SUV, I caught sight of Luisa and her assistant getting out of the coroner’s van.
“We gotta stop meeting like this, Law,” she said as she slung a bag over her shoulder.
I grimaced. “I’d take a beer and pizza over this any day.”
“You have any leads?” Luisa asked, falling into step next to Nash and me.
“One possible, but he just got put on a 5150, so we won’t be talking to him anytime soon.”
Luisa let out a few muttered Spanish words. “At least he won’t be able to hurt anyone if he’s in a hospital.”
If it was him.
