“But that’s not you,” I whispered.
“No. I like work, purpose. I like my life here, and I love my family.” He squeezed the back of his neck. “When I wouldn’t go, she started taking off alone. Just weekends at first, then longer. She said that I worked too much, and she felt like a single parent.”
My stomach twisted. Lawson would’ve taken that accusation like a punch to the gut. “I know you, Lawson. I know you would never put your job before your family. But that doesn’t mean your career isn’t important.”
His jaw worked back and forth. “It was an escape. From her. From a marriage I knew in my gut didn’t work.”
“Which means you’re human.”
He shook his head. “It means I failed. I finally suggested couples therapy and thought it had worked. Things seemed to get better. We were never close like we’d been when we were young, but I thought things were working.”
Lawson laughed, but it was an ugly sound. “Turned out she was racking up tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt and having affairs with guys she met on a dating app.”
“Lawson,” I croaked.
His hands fisted and flexed. “It wasn’t that I even thought I loved her. I’d realized that what we had was young infatuation. But I wanted my boys to have a mom. What I gave them was a selfish, reckless imitation of one.”
My eyes flared as I watched Lawson’s breathing go ragged.
“I worked longer shifts then. A lot of nights because I was lower in the ranks. Melody hid it well. I didn’t realize what she was doing.”
That nausea flared again as panic set in.
“I got a call from an unknown number. It was Luke. Ten years old and scared out of his mind. Drew was crying in the background. Charlie, only a few months old, was bawling uncontrollably.”
My hands fisted, fingernails digging into my palms.
“That bitch took them to a party with one of the guys she was seeing and shoved them in a room. It was loud as hell, and they were so damned scared. Had no adult watching them. And that fear turned to terror when they heard gunshots.”
“Lawson…”
His eyes reddened, tears gathering there. “Luke snuck out of the bedroom and found a cell phone. I stayed on the line with my boy while I had the number traced. Got a location, and we rode out. Turned out the guy Melody was fucking was a well-known dealer in the area. Someone had shown up thinking they could rob him. Two people were killed. Three more wounded.”
I wanted to strangle the woman. I couldn’t begin to imagine how Lawson had felt.
“Got up to the room, and my boys were shaking and sobbing. Drew had wet his pants, too scared to find a bathroom. Charlie’s diaper was full and soiled. He hadn’t been fed and was so dehydrated he needed an IV. Luke didn’t talk for a week.”
Tears filled my eyes, spilling over and tracking down my cheeks.
“I don’t love my ex-wife. I hate her with everything in me. The only person I hate more is me, for not seeing her for who she truly was.”
I didn’t think. I just moved, launching myself at Lawson and wrapping my arms around him. I gripped him as hard as I could, trying to comfort the man who took everything on his shoulders. But Lawson didn’t move at all.
26
LAWSON
My breaths camein ragged pants as Hallie’s arms wound around me, her slight form pressed against me, her arms far stronger than they looked.
“It wasn’t your fault, Lawson.”
Those words on her lips, my name on her tongue were almost too much to bear. “Hallie,” I croaked.
“It wasn’t. You were trying to make it work, to give your boys a family. You didn’t know.”
“I knew that Melody was flighty, that she’d take off for a weekend at the drop of a hat,” I argued.
Hallie pulled back, but her hands held my arms tightly. “Did she ever leave your children without appropriate supervision?”
