“No, you don’t. You can sleep later, once they’ve fixed you up. Not now.”
“Love…you.” The words were drawn out, more of a wheeze. And then the soft puffs of air against my cheek stopped altogether.
* * *
I stareddown at my hands. They were red, the skin raw. But little flecks of dried blood still stained my nail beds and the ridges and whirls of my fingertips. It was the kind of stain that would never leave. And the glaring hospital lights only made it worse.
I wasn’t sure if five minutes had passed or five hours. I was just waiting. Alone in this godforsaken room.
Flashes of memory, of my hands pressing down on Hallie’s chest, of forcing her to breathe. I’d hurt her. Caused her pain in hopes of keeping her alive, and it all might’ve been for nothing.
Everything hurt. I felt a kind of pain I hadn’t known existed. Because it was as if the most vital part of myself were being ripped out of my soul.
Footsteps sounded. Not just one pair. A herd.
My head jerked up. A herd was right. Mom and Dad came in first. Mom’s face was pale, her hand wrapped around Dad’s. But they were quickly overtaken. Charlie ran for me, hitting me in the middle and bursting into tears.
I hauled him into my arms. “I’ve got you, bud.”
I couldn’t say everything would be okay because I wouldn’t lie to my kids. Not about something like this. Not ever.
Charlie clung to my neck. “I want my Hallie!”
My throat constricted. “Me, too, bud. Me, too.”
Drew’s face was unnaturally pale as he stepped forward. “Is she out of surgery?”
I shook my head. I wouldn’t share that Hallie had flatlined on the chopper ride to Seattle. Wouldn’t tell him that she’d lost so much blood her skin had taken on a grayish hue. “Still waiting.”
Luke’s eyes were red, his hand clasped in a vise-like grip by Violet, who was pressed to his side. “Is she going to make it?”
I swallowed hard. “We need to wait for the doctor.”
It was all I could say.
“Let’s sit,” Mom encouraged.
More family piled in. Roan carried Cady, who clung to him like a monkey. She was clearly shaken by Charlie’s state and everything going on around her. Aspen rubbed her back as they sat, muttering sweet nothings.
Wren leaned into Holt, his lips sweeping across her temple. The tender action made my heart jerk.
Grae sat right on Caden’s lap, curling into him. I knew this had to bring back hard memories for her, as well. But Caden never let her go.
Nash guided Maddie to a chair, kissing her forehead before moving to me. “Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water? Food?”
I shook my head. I wouldn’t be able to keep anything down. Not now.
Instead, I sat, letting Charlie cry everything out. Drew sat on my one side. Luke and Violet on the other.
Reverend Hooper and his wife stepped into the waiting room. His face was somber as he crossed to me. “I don’t want to intrude, but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. I’d like to pray for the girl. She has a goodness our world needs.”
My throat clogged. “Thank you, Reverend. I’ll take all the prayers you’ve got.”
I’d take anything. I’d do battle with the Devil himself for Hallie.
Hooper nodded and bowed his head. The room went silent as he led us in prayer. I wanted to believe that God was listening, that he would intercede. But everything in me was too damn terrified to hope.
The reverend wasn’t the last visitor. Slowly, the room filled. Clint and Abrams. Daniels. The only one who hadn’t shown was Anson. And I didn’t blame him. He’d been down this road already, and a hospital wasn’t anywhere he’d ever willingly go again.
