“Careful, Cap. You sound a little judgmental right now.”
“I’m not judgin’,” he says with a chuckle. “I’m just tryin’ to understand.”
Running my fingers through my hair, I breathe out a laugh, realizing how stupid this sounds. “It hurt,” I explain. “I really liked her and thought I could convince her to stay. When she left, I told myself I was going to stay single because it didn’t feel worth it to let myself care for somebody who was just going to end up leaving. Sure, I’ve thought about what it would be like to leave this town, or what my life would’ve been like had I not been born into a ranchin’ family, but when push comes to shove, there ain’t no way I’m leavin’. Wolf Creek, this ranch, the cattle, my family…it’s who I am. Like you said before, it’s in myblood, it’s who I am. I watched a lot of people from my high school ditch this town as quickly as they could, so it seemed inevitable that I’d find myself in that situation again, so I just stayed single.”
With his ass pressed against the counter, Ford folds his arms over his chest. “But that was, what, ten years ago? That’s a hell of a long time to stick with it.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, I suppose it is. But as I got older and took on more responsibility on the ranch, it made even more sense to be alone. I mean, look at Finn, for example. Tucker’s mom skipped town, leavin’ her entire life behind to live a different one. She hated ranch life. The hours are long and constant, and I rarely get time off. It’s a lot to ask somebody to accept, ya know?”
“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do know,” he murmurs, grabbing the plates from my cupboard. “Not everybody will want to live a life like that, but that doesn’t meannobodywill. Just gotta find the right type of person.” He pauses as he dishes up. “Maybe someone who understands long, constant hours.”
That last sentence makes my pulse race. There’s no way he’s insinuating what I think he is… Right? My brain goes haywire for a moment, and it’s like I can’t seem to find any words. But then I take a deep breath, reminding myself that Ford recently got out of a very long marriage, and he said he was also just looking for fun. There’s no way he’s alluding to himself.
Clearing my throat, I shift the conversation away from me and ask, “Is that why you married a firefighter?”
Ford hands me a plate before taking the seat beside me at the bar. “One of the reasons, sure,” he offers. “Although, it didn’t always work out in our favor. We often worked opposite shifts.”
“Then you grew apart?”
“Not overnight.” He shakes his head. “But eventually, yes, but that had nothin’ to do with our work schedules.”
Glancing at him, my brows pinch. “Oh?”
“I think it started when I made captain,” he says. “It was a position he’d always wanted for himself, but he never had what it took. His temper always got the best of him in high-stress situations.” He tilts his head to the side, a far-off look in his eyes, like he’s remembering something. “That honestly should’ve been my first clue.” Then, shaking his head at whatever thoughts he has, he continues. “So when I promoted, it caused tension between us. He knew how much I wanted it, so I think, at least for a while, he tried to bury his bitter feelings toward me. He tried to be happy for me, but it didn’t last long.”
“That’s fucked up,” I blurt out before biting off a piece of bacon. “I get being disappointed in not gettin’ something you want, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy for the person you love for getting what they want.”
Rolling his lips together, Ford nods. “It was gradual, and I didn’t even put two and two together until after we separated. He started drinkin’ more and was angry all the time. It’s like we couldn’t even be in the same room without an argument startin’ and usually over nothin’.”
My throat is tight, remembering how he told me his dad was an angry man too. Ford grew up around that, then married the same type of man. “You didn’t deserve that,” I murmur. “I’m sorry you were treated like that, and that instead of being proud of you, he made you feel like shit for your accomplishments.” Swallowing thickly, I add, “I’m proud of you. And I know a lot of other people are. You didn’t deserve any of that.”
Ford’s eyes meet mine, and I can’t quite place the look inthem. His jaw is tight, and his nostrils flare as he exhales. Then I watch his Adam’s apple roll before he says, “You don’t deserve to deprive yourself of love, or a life with someone, just because one relationship didn’t work out ten years ago.”
Oh, goody… We’re back to me now.
My stomach clenches, and my skin tingles. It’s uncomfortable, yet I keep going back to what he said earlier…“Maybe someone who understands the long, constant hours.”What did he mean by that? And why won’t he let the subject go?
I push down all the questions and slap a smirk on my face. “You sure know your way around a kitchen, Cap. I’m gonna have to have you sleep over more often if this is what I get.”
He huffs a laugh. “Your bedismore comfortable than mine, so might be a fair trade.”
“Well, and you’d get all of this.” I gesture over my body. “Can’t pass that up.”
Shamelessly raking his gaze over me, he lifts a brow. “No, I suppose I can’t.”
Thankfully, that’s all it takes to shift the conversation elsewhere. After we finish eating, I wash the dishes while Ford wipes down the counters. I do my best to ignore how domesticated it feels, and I try even harder to ignore the way I could see us doing it more often, and how much I’d like that.
Ford gets dressed in the clothes he wore last night once the kitchen’s cleaned up, and I can’t help but watch him as he slips his feet into his boots sitting on the edge of my bed. The sight hits me in the center of my chest, like a dull ache.
“I’m gonna take off,” he says as he stands. “I’ve got a laundry list of shit to get done today before I go back to work tomorrow.”
A flash of…something rips through my chest at the idea of him walking out of my house in broad daylight. Like somebody—Remi—might be out there, waiting to catch us, which is silly. It’s early, and there isn’t anybody around, especially not my best friend, who values sleeping in on his days off.
A smile tugs at my lips as I throw that worry aside. “Yeah, I have a few things I need to get done too.”
Closing the distance between us in three long strides, Ford wraps his hand around the back of my neck, and for a moment, he doesn’t do anything. Goosebumps cover my arms as our gazes remain locked, and then he leans in and presses his lips to mine. When his tongue slips into my mouth and rolls against mine, and I forget how to breathe. He kisses me slowly, but deeply, and it’s so unexpected. I don’t know what to make of it. All I know is it does make me feelsomething. By the time he pulls away, my heart is beating chaotically, and my skin feels like it’s on fire.
Ford’s jaw pops as he peers at me from beneath thick brows. “I realize we probably should’ve discussed this before jumpin’ into bed with one another, but I’m not sleepin’ with anybody else.”
