Throwing my head back, I squeeze my eyes shut and let the pleasure take control. Pulse after pulse, I empty myself onto Hollis’s stomach, and when his hand around us tightens and he lets out a long, low moan, I glance down and watch as he spills all over himself too, his thick, creamy release mixing with mine. The sight is erotic and enthralling; I can’t look away.
I collapse onto the air mattress beside him once we’re finished, my breathing rapid and shallow as I rub a hand over my mouth, wondering how the hell I let this happentwice. Using his discarded shirt, Hollis cleans himself up before rolling onto his side to face me.
Shoving me playfully, he says, “Get outta your head.”
“I’m not in my head.”
“Yeah, you are.” He chuckles. “Is this an ideal predicament we’ve found ourselves in? No, not exactly. But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it for what it is.”
Turning my head, I meet his gaze and ask, “And what’s that?”
“A damn good time, of course,” he drawls, lip curling into a grin. “This was fun. Don’t overthink it.”
Then, giving me whiplash, Hollis presses a quick kiss to my lips before grabbing his pants and pulling them on before leaving without another word.
Don’t overthink it.
I huff a breath and shake my head.
Right, because it’s that simple.
Fourteen
Ford
KnockinBoots: Morning Cap. You’ve been awfully quiet since we got home.
I stare at the message. Then reread it a couple of times. I want to respond…but I also don’t. This past weekend feels like a fever dream. I can’t stop thinking about Hollis and everything that transpired. It was amazing, but...
It was foolish.
Iwas foolish.
All of this is so confusing; it feels like I’m losing myself. Or maybe it’s that I lost myself so long ago that I don’t even know who I am anymore. Either way, downloadingHivewas a terrible idea. I knew it before I even went through with it, and now that I’ve fooled around with Hollis, of all people, I know it even more.
What was I thinking?
I’m not this guy… I’m not the guy who meets people online, the guy who casually hooks up with them, and I’m certainly not the guy who gives in to desires I have about men I shouldn’t. If all this confusion and frustration with myself tells me anything, it’s that I’m nowhere near ready for something like this—whatever the hellthisis. I’ve known from the moment I matched with Hollis that it was a bad idea. That it couldn’t go anywhere. That I’d never be able to act on what I wanted.
And yet, I let it happen anyway.
Day after day, I kept messaging him. Kept finding myself opening up to Hollis without even realizing it. I kept doing it all, knowing exactly who it was I was talking to. What did I think was going to happen? It’s a small town… The chance of Hollis finding out my identity was never in my favor. If I’m being honest with myself, I think I always knew he’d figure it out, and maybe, deep down, I wanted him to. Maybe deep down, I wanted this to happen between us because there’s something about Hollis that’s just so…exhilarating.
I can’t explain it, but it’s true.
He makes me feel free.
Hollis makes me feel seen in a way I’ve felt invisible for so many years.
I’m the captain of the Wolf Creek Fire Department, so of course, I’m not invisible. I’m looked to every single day for direction, for wisdom, for advice. But that’s work. It’s different. The way Hollis talks to me on the app… The way he looked at me this weekend… He makes me feel wanted. Like he couldn’t get enough of me. No kiss was deep enough, and he couldn’t get close enough. Even after we both came, it was clear he didn’t want to leave. He wanted more, and that realization was intoxicating. And addicting, because all I’ve been able to think about for the last two days since coming home is him and how badly I want to do it all over again.
But we can’t.
Ican’t.
No matter that our chemistry was off the charts, no matter how good being with Hollis made me feel, it can’t happen. For one, it would be too messy; he’s my lieutenant’s best friend. For two, after Trent, I’m not even sure I’m capable of letting somebody in like that—or worse, what if Idolet him in? Hollis isn’t the settling-down type. No matter which way I look at it, I’m setting myself up for failure with him. And for three, the divorce isn’t even finalized yet. I can’t be gallivanting around with a man twenty years younger than me before I’m even technically single. I can already see the stares and hear the whispers around town.
I need to put a stop to this.
