I just wish I could say the same.
Violet still isn’t talking to me, not that I really expected her to, but it still hurts. I’ve held off on telling my parents, mostly because I’d really like to work things out with my sister before I tell them anything. Honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t told them yet. I figured that would be the first thing she did, but given they haven’t called to bitch at me yet, it’s safe to assume she has kept her mouth shut. I hate how that gives me hope, though. Like, isthe reason she hasn’t tattled on me to our parents because she’s trying to warm up to the idea? Or that she plans to forgive me? Or maybe she’s just embarrassed, and doesn’t want to admit to them that someone, for once, didn’t want her?
I’ve tried to not let myself spiral over the last week, to not obsess over what her silence could mean, but I can’t help it.
“I got somethin’!” Tucker yells as he jumps up from the stump he’s sitting on. “Dad, Dad! I got somethin’! Mommy Ash!” He throws me a look over his shoulder, face lit up with his wide smile. “Ash, I got somethin’!”
His smile is contagious, my chest swelling with pride. “Good job, T!”
Finn stands up, helping Tucker reel in the line. The fish comes out of the water, attached to the fishing pole, wriggling all around. I’ve no clue what kind of fish it is, but it’s bigger than I expected it to be. Tucker’s vibrating with excitement as he watches his dad unhook the squirmy, scaley little guy.
“Can you get a picture of me holdin’ it, Ash?” Tucker asks, as he peers over at me with a twinkling gaze.
“Of course, I can.” I nod, grabbing my phone out of my pocket. Finn hands the fish to Tucker, and he nearly loses hold with how wriggly it is. “Alright, give me a big ol’ smile, buddy.”
He does exactly that, yelling, “Cheeeese!”
Snapping several pictures for good measure, my gaze lifts, meeting Finn’s. He’s wearing his proud dad expression that makes my stomach tighten in the very best way. I nod toward Tuck. “Get closer,” I tell him. “I’ll get one of both of you.”
My heart thuds against my ribcage as I take the picture, the smiles on both of their faces priceless.
“Daddy, can you get one with me and Mommy Ash?”
Finn meets my gaze again, and we both breathe out a chuckle.
“Sure, bug.” After Finn and I trade places, I crouch down and wrap an arm around Tucker’s shoulders as we pose with the fish. “Okay, Tuck, toss it back.”
“What?” My brows pinch. “After all that, you’re not even going to take the fish home and eat it?”
Finn laughs as he gestures behind me. “Catch and release, baby.”
Turning around, I spot a sign near the tree that says exactly that. “Fishing makes no damn sense to me,” I grumble, looking back at Finn, who’s already watching me with amusement dancing in his eyes. “We’ve been here all morning, caught one fish, and you’re not even keeping it?”
“It’s fun, Ash,” Tucker drawls, attempting to roll his eyes at me. He’s not successful, but at least he’s cute.
“And I love that you’re having fun, little man.”
Finn snorts but doesn’t say anything as the two of them take their place in front of the water again. By the time we pack up and head home, I already know I’m never accompanying them to do this ever again. It’s a little after two in the afternoon as we pull into the ranch, and my breath catches in my throat as we park in front of the house and I spot who’s waiting for us on the front steps.
Gaze snapping to Finn, I ask, “Did you know she was coming?”
Finn thinks he’s slick, but I’m aware of the fact that he went to Violet’s last Sunday after breakfast. It was obvious when he came home later that day with nothing to show for hiserrands. I think he kept it from me to not get my hopes up, but the fact that he even went over there means everything to me.
He turns off the truck and shakes his head. “I did not.” We climb out, and once I unbuckle Tucker from his seat, Finn rounds the truck and looks at his son, holding out his hand. “C’mon, bug. Let’s fix some lunch while Ash talks to his sister.”
Looking up at me, Finn holds my gaze for a moment, as if silently telling me that he’s here if I need him. I nod, and then they bypass Violet and head inside. She’s standing now, but given the way her arms wrap around herself, I’d say she’s uncomfortable, or maybe nervous, about being here.
“Hey,” I mumble awkwardly as I walk over to her. “This is a surprise.”
“Can we talk?” she asks meekly.
Nodding, I lead her up the steps, and we sit side by side on the porch swing. There’s a long, tense moment when neither of us says anything, both of us gazing out into the yard in front of us. Not knowing how this is going to go has me feeling nauseas.
Is she here to tell me she wants nothing to do with me? That she can’t move past this, and I’m dead to her now?
Or is she here to hear me out and hopefully accept this?
It could go either way, and the unknown has nausea churning in my gut.
