What I did was fucked up and low, and there’s no way to twist or downplay it. Violet doesn’t deserve what I did. And I can’t tell her. For one, it would break her heart. But also, it would out Finn, and I refuse to do that. I may think it’s silly that he’s denying this to himself and the world, but I would never, ever out somebody. That’s his story to tell, not mine.
It’s late Saturday afternoon, and I’m strolling back into the house after going for a run on the trail. It’s something I’ve taken to doing almost every single day lately. Yoga in the morning, and running on the trail later in the day, usually when Finn gets home from work. I keep hoping it’ll help clear my head and let me relax, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Itdoes, however, help me avoid Finn as much as possible. By the time I get home, it’s usually time for dinner to get started, and Tucker is around, so it’s easy to avoid each other while still being in the same area.
Sauntering into the kitchen, I fill up a glass of water, guzzling it down in one go. It’s exceptionally warm out today, and I felt it during that run. Sweat drenches my shirt and drips down my forehead as I work to catch my breath. At this rate, I’m going to be in immaculate shape by the end of the season.
Thanks, Finn, I guess.
Speaking of the avoidant devil himself, Finn meanders into the kitchen, his steps faltering for a moment when he spots me, clearly not realizing I was in here. A quick glance out the window above the sink tells me Tucker is outside, playing with Bubba and the chickens, meaning we’re alone in here for the first time in two whole weeks.
Finn clears his throat, stuffing a hand in the pocket of his Wranglers, and I fight the urge to let my gaze drop and take in how fucking good he looks wearing them. They fit him like a glove; it’s kind of absurd. “I’m glad I caught you,” he mutters. “Iwanted to see if you were free to watch Tucker tonight. I have to go out and take care of somethin’.”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I answer immediately. There are much worse ways to spend my Saturday night than hanging out with Tucker, and besides, this’ll give us the chance to finish the movie he and I started yesterday afternoon.
“Are you sure?” Finn’s brow arches as he searches my face for…something. “I know it’s last minute.”
“I’ve got nothing going on.” I shrug. “But could I run and take a shower really quick before you go?”
His throat works as he swallows, then he nods. “Yeah, that’s fine. Thanks.”
The tension in the room is so thick you could slice it with a butter knife. It’s clear that even though we’re alone for the first time sincethe incident, and he’s finally not flat out avoiding me, we also aren’t going to be talking about what happened. Maybe I should be the bigger person and insist that we do, but again, I’m not the one struggling with my sexuality here.
Throwing him a salute as I walk past him toward the hallway, I mutter, “No problem, boss,” before disappearing into the bathroom. I’m sweaty as hell, and more than likely stink, after the long-ass run I went on. With Finn leaving, I’m sure I’ll have to start dinner for Tuck and me soon, and something about doing that with dried sweat clinging to my skin sounds about as appealing as plucking out my toenails one by one.
After standing underneath the scalding stream for entirely too long, I hop out, wrap a towel around my waist, and head to my bedroom. The sound of Finn’s voice drifts down the long hallway as I do, a shiver rolling down my spine as the gruff, deep tone hits my ears. Tucker must’ve come back inside. He’s been playing in the yard all day, covered in dirt, and I can’t help but smile. I don’t think I’ve ever heard that kid say he’s bored. He’s certainly got a blessed life here on the ranch. Between hangingout with his grandpa several times a week and all that we do together when his dad is working, he’s usually always tuckered out by the time bedtime rolls around.
Pun intended.
Chuckling to myself over my dumb joke, I make quick work of getting dressed before I toss my towel in the hamper, and head back into the main part of the house to let Finn know I’m finished. As soon as I make it down the hall and into the living room, my shoulders stiffen and my heart pounds harder.
“There you are,” my sister murmurs with a wide smile when she spots me. My gut twists as I drag my gaze from her to Finn, who’s standing with his shoulder against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest near the kitchen. His jaw is clenched, and he’s watching me with an unreadable expression. His stance sends the memory of him propped up in my room just like that two weeks ago, and I have to swallow against the bitter taste at the back of my throat when I realize his plans for going out include my sister.
Because, of fucking course, they do. She’s his girlfriend.
One late-night mutual jack off session doesn’t change that.
I glance back at my sister, forcing a smile that I know looks fake. “Oh, hey,” I reply dryly, my skin crawling from being in the same room as both of them.
Not bothering to wait for any sort of response from Violet, I brush past Finn into the kitchen, where I open the pantry and look inside, trying to ignore the way it feels knowing he’s about to take her on a date and pretend everything is hunky-dory while also figuring out what to make for dinner.
I’m failing miserably at both.
Footsteps reach my ears, and I don’t have to look back to know it’s Violet. It’s confirmed when she says, “Thanks for watching Tucker tonight so we can go out.” Her voice grates my nerves, and I’m too annoyed to even feel bad about that.And hearing her say Tucker’s name makes me want to scream. Mentioning him so casually, like she knows him at all. She doesn’t. But I do. “It’s been too long since the two of us have spent time together.”
Heaving a sigh, I grab two boxes of macaroni and cheese from the shelf, shutting the door. I turn back to face my sister and nod. “It’s no problem.”
Her face falls as her brows scrunch together. “Everything okay, Ash?”
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just got back from a run. I’m a little tired and hungry.”
Breathing out a small chuckle, Violet asks, “Since when do you run? What happened to yoga?”
“He does both,” Finn says, stepping into the kitchen, gaze meeting mine. “Religiously.”
“Ugh, I admire your dedication,” Vi murmurs. She glances over at her boyfriend, and I can’t help but roll my eyes, even though I know Finn is still looking at me. “Should we get going, babe?”
His hardened gaze leaves mine as he nods. “Yeah, can you go start the truck for me, and I’ll be right out. I want to say bye to Tucker.”
Watching as he brushes her hand against his chest, I bite down on my molars so hard I’m surprised I don’t crack one. The rage boiling inside of me toward her is honestly taking me aback. Logically speaking, none of this is her fault, yet I want to rip her hand off of his chest, nonetheless.
