My pulse roars in my ears, and I can feel everything I shouldn’t say rising in my throat like bile. It’s sour, and despite how hard I fight to keep it down, it doesn’t work. I can’t keep it in any longer. Especially not when he’s looking at me the way he is.
“I can’t talk to you because, when I do, all I think about is kissing you again, and I can’t sleep in that goddamn camperanymore because all I can picture is climbing into your bed beside you and doing things I shouldn’t be thinking of doing with you. I want you so damn bad, it’s driving me insane, Boone. It’s torture being near you, and it’s like you know that and you taunt me anyway. I’m sure that kiss outside the bar meant nothing to you. I’m sure it was the alcohol talking, and nothing more, but for me, it waseverything.” I suck in a deep breath, unable to look him in the eye, before continuing. “It was everything to me, and I can’t be near you without wanting it to happen again, and that won’t ever happen, so I have to distance myself, Boone. I can’t keep doing this.”
My chest heaves. Neither of us says anything for a moment, and I immediately regret spewing all of that out because now that I said it, I can’t take it back. It’s out there, and now he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, how pathetic I am. He knows, and there’s?—
“You don’t think I think about that night too?” he asks, cutting off my train of thought as my heart stutters.
“Wh-what?”
“That night was not nothing to me.” Boone closes the distance between us with a single, large step. He’s so close, I can see the slight quiver to his bottom lip. “It wasn’t nothing,” he repeats no louder than a whisper before he wraps his palm around the back of my neck and crashes his lips down onto mine.
25
Boone Stanton
God,I can’t fucking think straight around him. He makes me lose all sense of rational thought. Makes me forget right and wrong. Makes me want things I never knew I wanted. And standing here just now, watching him admit his feelings and his desires to me, while thinking they were one-sided was too much. I couldn’t stay quiet a second longer and let him think that, even if I’m still so fucking confused. I couldn’t bear to see the look on his face, believing he meant nothing to me. That the kiss meant nothing. That it was something that happened and I never thought about it again. That couldn’t be further from the truth, and apparently telling him as much wasn’t good enough. The carnal urge toshow himovertook me and, before I knew it, my lips were pressed to his and my tongue was surging into his mouth.
Grady’s fingertips are biting into my flesh on my sides as he lets me guide the kiss. He tastes amazing. Feels amazing. And when my tongue rolls against his, curling around it, he sighs into my mouth, and I think I might combust. Somehow, we makeit to the ground, and he climbs into my lap. I’m all too aware of my current state of undress as the dew forming on the grass seeps through my briefs, but I don’t fucking care. Grady’s arms wrap around my neck, my hands going to his hips, guiding him, rocking him back and forth on top of me. The friction is mind numbing, but not nearly enough. I’m so out of my element here with him; I don’t even know what to do, but I refuse to let myself spiral with those thoughts. Not here. Not right now, when the pressure of his weight feels so goddamn right.
He's practically trembling, like he’s trying to hold himself back from really giving in. That won’t do. I slide my hands underneath the hem of his shirt, feeling his warm, bare skin. I want to run the tips of my fingers along his entire body, trace every curve and dip. Memorize the path. Dragging the material over his head, I toss it in the grass beside us, grazing my lips along his jaw, down to his neck. A full-body shiver rolls through him, and I can’t help the smile that spreads on my face. Turning his head, our mouths align again, his lips hungrily covering mine.
We move so fluidly together; our lips, our bodies…they fit together like perfect pieces to a puzzle. I don’t get it. Kissing Grady feels like something I’ve done a million times. It feels natural, as easy as breathing air into my lungs. But then, something shifts. Grady’s lips stop moving, and his body tenses in my hold.
“Wait,” he murmurs breathlessly against my mouth. Pushing off me, he stands up, and I quickly do the same. “We can’t do this,” he states firmly as he puts distance between us.
And suddenly, every single reason I’ve given myself over the past few months comes back all at once, slapping me in the face. Every reason we needed to not end up right here, in this position, becomes abundantly clear again.
“No, you’re right,” I reply, even though it physically pains me.
He looks over at me, and me him, and I don’t think either of us knows where to go from here.
“It’s…” Grady clears his throat. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”
“I know,” I say dejectedly. “Me too.”
Giving me a smile that’s definitely forced, he gestures behind me. “Should we…?”
“Go back to the campsite? Yeah, let’s do that.”
He takes a step, then two, in my direction, and before he can breeze past me, I wrap my hand around his forearm, and he freezes in place, head turning to meet my gaze. A dozen different thoughts pass between us without ever saying a word.
If things were just a little bit different…
But also,I want you. I don’t get it, but I do.
His dirty blonde hair, now almost dry, hangs messily in his face, his cheeks are flushed, and he’s chewing on his bottom lip. Under the moonlit sky, he looks beautiful. Shy.So fucking tempting.
“Can I kiss you one more time?” I ask, unable to help myself. This insatiable need to taste him is so new and confusing.
Eyes dip down to my mouth before he looks me in the eye. He nods.
I wouldn’t be able to say who moves next, but there’s no rush. The heat, the passion, is there, but we aren’t hurried. Our lips move together, our tongues savor deeply, and our arms wrap around each other like we both don’t want to let the other go. Speaking only for myself, I don’t want to let him go.
But I do.
We pull apart, slightly breathless, chests heaving, and we walk side by side back to the campsite. It’s quiet and empty when we get there, everybody else probably asleep, completely oblivious to the turmoil happening out here.
“You’re not sleeping in that damn tent,” I growl when Grady acts like he’s about to walk over to it.
