Pain explodes in my cheek, radiating through my face, but before I have time to react, he’s pulled off me. I stand up, finding Colt in between the two of us, and everybody else watching us.
“That’s e-fucking-nough!” Colt pushes Shooter in the chest toward Sterling. “You, go get yourself cleaned up.” Then he looks back at me, shoving me too. “And you, come with me.”
“Leave me the fuck?—”
“Now!” Colt cuts me off.
He leads me farther into the campgrounds to a picnic table near the water. I sit on the top of the table while he takes a seat on the bench. My cheek throbs, and I’m sure there’ll be a bruise tomorrow. Colt doesn’t press me for information right away, instead letting us sit in silence. I appreciate him for it, but I know the questions are coming.
A few minutes later, I’m proven right when he asks, “What the hell was that about?”
Lifting one of my shoulders in a shrug, I mutter, “Shooter pissed me off.”
“Yeah, I gathered that.” He laughs. “But why? I’ve never seen you lose your temper like that,especiallywith one of us.”
Elbows resting on my knees, I blow out a breath, head dropping into my palms. I consider blowing him off, not giving him anything, but maybe getting this shit off my chest will help. Maybe having someone to talk to, who I know won’t judge me, is what I need right now. I scrub a hand over my face as I glance over and meet his gaze.
Dragging in a deep breath, I hold it for a moment before exhaling. Then I tell him everything. The jacking off. The kiss. The way it all is making me feel.Everything.And the whole time, he listens without an ounce of humor or judgement on his face, and I gotta admit…it feels really fucking good saying this all out loud after all this time.
“Damn,” he mutters when I finally finish.
Laughing, I say, “Yeah, I know.”
“I’ll be honest with you, man,” Colt starts. “Didn’t think you had it in you.”
My brows pinch as I regard him. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Breathing out a laugh, he says, “For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been this huge people pleaser. Whether you see it or not, you’re always putting the needs of others above yourself. For years, it was Jade. Which, fine, whatever, she was your wife. But aside from bull riding, you never, ever did anything for yourself. Your whole life was about Jade, and then Suzy, but you never do anything just for you.”
“That’s not true,” I reply dismissively, even though, deep in my gut, I have a feeling he’s right.
“It is, and you’re an amazing dad, and from what I can tell, you were a great husband, but you’re allowed to put yourself first every once in a while. You’re allowed to do things that make you happy, that may not make sense to everybody else. You’re also allowed to explore this part of you that I’m assuming you didn’t realize existed before now. Am I right?”
I look down at my hands in my lap and nod. “I don’t understand what’s going on inside my head lately.”
“Because of who Grady is to you, or because he’s a man?”
Peering over at Colt, I say, “Both.”
“That’s fair. I’m the wrong person to dissuade you from making any potentially bad decisions when it comes to sex and relationships, but Icantry to help with the latter.” Colt pulls out a pack of smokes, offering me one. I shake my head as he lights one for himself, taking a drag. “Sexuality is a spectrum, my friend,” he goes on. “And just because you’ve lived your entire life being only attracted to women, that doesn’t mean a man will never come along and make you question that. Hence Grady.”
“Yeah, but why the fuck does it have to be Grady? My ex-wife’s brother?”
“That, I don’t have the answer for.” He chuckles, taking another long drag. “Look at me, for example. I’m bisexual, but my preference is usually women. However, some of the best sex I’ve ever had, and some of the deepest connections I’ve ever felt, have been with men. Sexuality is rarely something that can fit neatly into a box for most people. We don’t get a say in who we want.”
I sit with what he said for a moment, trying to make sense of all of this. “Have you ever hooked up with—or wanted to hook up with—someone you really shouldn’t?”
Colt snorts. “Uh, yeah, have I ever.”
“Care to share?” I ask with a laugh. “Since I’ve shared a whole lot tonight with you.”
Colt watches me out of the corner of his eye for a moment as he finishes the cigarette. He looks hesitant and unsure—two things I’m not used to seeing from him. Finally, he nods. “Okay, but this stays between you and I only, understood?”
I nod. “Of course. You don’t even need to say that.”
“I hooked up with my dad’s best friend once.”
My eyes widen, eyebrows lifting into my hairline. “You, what? How old were you?”
